Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Crazy Fiction

You must have heard this one before.

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy,
the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,
the Germans dont want to go to war,
guys named Bush and Dick are in charge of America,
the next guy who could be in control has names that rhyme with Iraq and Osama and a middle name 'Hussein',
K-Fed teams up with Paris Hilton while Britney teams up with Sanjaya Malakar,
and i decide to write fiction.

My first attempt at fiction. I know its small. All great things start small anyway. Even Sanjaya Malakar was a tiny sperm cell one time.


Once upon a time, there lived a boy.

He asked a girl he liked 'will u marry me?'

'No' said the girl.

And the boy lived happily ever after.

He played cricket and soccer and golf, went fishing, went out at night, partied, drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.


Inspiration for the above work of literature was derived from a text message i received this morning.

Understanding Reality

Paul David Hewson, better known as Bono, the lead singer and lyricist of U2, has an interesting thing to say and i quote

"Look, the secular response to the Christ story always goes like this: He was a great prophet, obviously a very interesting guy, had a lot to say along the lines of other great prophets, be they Elijah, Muhammad, Buddha, or Confucius. But actually Christ doesn't allow you that. He doesn't let you off that hook. Christ says, No. I'm not saying I'm a teacher, don't call me teacher. I'm not saying I'm a prophet. I'm saying: 'I'm the Messiah.' I'm saying: 'I am God incarnate.' . . . So what you're left with is either Christ was who He said He was—the Messiah—or a complete nutcase. . . . The idea that the entire course of civilization for over half of the globe could have its fate changed and turned upside-down by a nutcase, for me that's farfetched." Full Article here

In a couple of forthcoming posts i will

1) Explain the logic and reasoning behind Jesus Christ. Who He was? why did He die? whats the logic behind it all? was He a lunatic?

2) Attempt to analyse the God Debate between Sam Harris and Rick Warren. Go through it, and draw your own conclusions.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Get connected .. what are you waiting for?


Given the rate of copulation and the subsequent increasing population, i think we could do with 835, 971 more social networking sites. Then, we can have so many friends and friendships and so many more fraands and more fraandships!! Wherever you go you have a friend.

Go to Ibiza and you have a beach babe of a friend there.
Go to Alaska and you have an Eskimo friend there.
Go to Ceres and Eris and you have friends there.
Go to the toilet and you have a friend there.

What a wonderful life!

Monday, April 16, 2007

Is this the way?

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Rajan Bala for the Indian cricket coach

Say NDTV conjures up a 'special' programme on domestic violence. Not BDSM. Cruelty to kids and wives and husbands. With the focus on the movie 'Provoked', the story of Kiranjit Ahluwalia is explained, and facts and figures furnished about the rising instances of wife-beating cases among Indian families both in India and abroad. After all the startling, blood-chilling facts are presented, they conduct an interview and ask the interviewee more about the incidence of domestic violence. Whom do they interview - Not the Southall Black Sisters or some PETS (People for the Ethical Treatment of Spouses) - They interview the intellectual and strong social thinker that is Aishwarya Rai.

Along similiar lines but a change of subject. Lets talk about our battered cricket team. Serious issue, and a posse of intellectuals with just the right mixture of cricketing experince and no cricketing experience. Some depressants are less agonizing than others. NDTV had their INDIAN CRICKET OPINION POLL or some similar name of that sort on Good Friday. I have been watching NDTV for a while and if you are a NDTV novice, you must understand that they take their opinion polls real seriously. Their recent opinion poll on the UP Assembly Elections and the subsequent predictions of a hung assembly, combined with the constant prodding by head honcho Prannoy Roy about the sample size employed and the accuracy of the poll left both Mayawati and Mulayam no maya to cling to and nothing mulayam to lean on.

Coming back to the topic of the GREAT INDIAN CRICKET OPINION POLL (or was it GREATEST?), the panelists were NKP Salve, Kishore Bhimani, Rajan Bala, Navjot Singh Sidhu and Ajay Jadeja. Whether the one hour long discussion threw something new in the fray, discovered some hidden secrets, or zeroed down on the cause of the Indian team's fall at the World Cup depends on each person's perspective. If you are like my 51 year old aunt who has never watched a single cricket game in her life, i'm sure you will find the discussion very enlightening.

But the point is not about NDTV. Its about a rising star on the horizon of Indian cricket. It about a man who needs no introduction. Because a mere introduction alone would not suffice. A man who has set precedents with his demeanour and class. A man who should be the Indian cricket team coach but is not yet because as you all know, the forces of darkness are prevailing at the moment. The great Rajan Bala.

I strongly recommend Rajan Bala for the post of the coach of the Indian cricket team. Not without reason. But these are not the only reasons. There are countless unspeakable, inexpressible reasons that just are there deep in the trenches of every cricket lover's heart.

- He looks focussed. Our cricketers focus hard only at the crease, but Bala's gaze appears focussed all the time, as though he is expecting a Lasith Malinga bouncer from behind the curtain every minute of his life.

- His cricketing knowledge is better than anyone else living on planet earth in this century. Ask him any question, and he will reply with a good old Aussie anecdote.

- He heard it all when Vic Richardson took on Don Bradman, Trevor Hohns told Steve Waugh its time to pack up, Wally Hammond and Neville Cardus discussed eggs, and other instances like these. He may deny it, but i strongly feel his presence was the major motivating factor and source of strength and courage for conversation between them all.

- Greg Chappell text messages him at times. Batting tips will come from Greg, Under-arm bowling tips from Trevor, retirement tips from Ian, Baseball tips from Greg's son Jon(of the Toronto Blue Jays). So an all-round coach.

- His name is dangerous enough to scare the Indian players off any match-fixing aspirations.

- His bald dome poses less resistance to the absorption of new ideas and enhances the concept of an open mind.

- His pointed lips resemble those of Greg Chappell. Memories of sharp words for the Indian cricketers. The lips are the source of the tips and flips.

- His stare is very very unsettling, strong enough to unsettle any rival fielders fielding near the pavilion.

Some will argue that Bala has no cricketing experience. But he makes up for it with his sharp ears, his pointed lips, his bald dome, his clear voice, his steady gaze, his unsettling stare and his very underworld-don type name.

Its time to get behind him as one nation. As one body of one billion. Painted blue. With Pepsi bottles in our hands. Its time to say "BERMUDA ke saath khelega toh jeetega"!!!!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Bye Bye Chappell - We dont want you back


Saurav Ganguly - I get knocked down, but i get up again, they are never gonna keep me down. Wah - wah

Greg Chappell - I get knocked down, so i make a mess, and get the next flight out of town. Wah - Wah


Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Tourists in Goa... Part Two

This one was long overdue. After the Indian Tourists who visit Goa, its time to make a few categories of the firangi aka foreign variety.

1) Rebels/Ravers
- They wear loose pyjamas and sport unkempt hair, and are usually spotted puffing ciggies away like there is no tomorrow. Sometimes they are so tall and lean, they remind you of the stilt walkers. Get along pretty well with almost everyone in town and have a nagging tendency of inviting the wrath of stray dogs. They hang out by the beach and are always game for a joint and some cheap booze. There is very little that turns them on more than a rave gig with deafening goa trance. The girls mostly are German or Scandinavian while a surprising majority of the guys are Israelis. Most travel by local transport, and usually have a Lonely Planet Guide in one hand and a cig in the other. Their hairstyles can put all from Sanjay Malakar to Djibril Cisse to shame and their clothes will make all at Lakme Fashion Week proud.

2) Retired old couples
- Fat, rotund and pinkish in colour, and all of them almost without exception, have silver or golden hair. Blessed with the balance but not the vital stats of a figure skater, their burly frame is well supported by two legs although laws of mechanics might recommend three. They are mostly spotted walking around Panjim, carrying plastic bags full of miniature Taj Mahals and the like. Dont be surprised if they ask you for directions to the Panjim Church or the Head Post Office, while standing outside the very same place. Respond respectfully, not with laughter or malaise, but with words that will make them happy and assure them that getting around in Panjim is indeed hard. Being slow movers, their bulk and speed on the narrow footpaths remind you of old trucks on one-way lanes.

3) The rich bums
- The celeb, rich brats, spoilt kids of the rich and famous, who look just like any other tourists in Goa, can be spotted too. According to them, the sea is safe for swimming even when you are high on booze(the alcohol makes sure you float, not drown) and the roads safe for speeding two wheelers even though they have never rode on one ever. These specimen live in their hotel rooms, and sunbathe on the private beaches of the 5 star resorts. They usually see the sights as they pass by in their air-conditioned cars. There is a better chance you will recognise them on TV rather than in person. Celeb singers write songs in their hotel rooms, some shoot a video and the movie stars attend parties within the resorts, but in all this the fact remains - No one knows who they are. These specimen think they walk one foot above the ground, little realising they are thousands of miles below the sky.

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