Make Your Trip

You are given 1000 Rupees and asked to travel as far as you can for 15 days. Hitch a ride, beg for food, sing and dance for money. Do all you can but travel as far as you can get. If you think a ride like that one will be fun, you need to check this out

Female travel partner wanted for young handsome smart male

you are looking for a female travel partner? Welcome!

Here are 6 things to remember if you are a 'young, handsome and smart' also called as 'YHS' males who travel alone and are actively on the hunt for travel partners (preferably female) for sharing and friendship and blah-blah-blu-blu and the like..

1) If you go out alone at night, and are walking on a lonely road to your hotel room, make sure you roll your eyes in all angles and keep your ears open for any movement that occurs in the bushes and trees beside the road. Some sex-starved female ape could pounce on you and bite your **** off!

2) When you have the inevitable option of choosing a female travelling partner (its obvious that a YHS guy will have them banging the front door down), be very careful. Most females will only look to sleep with you. Obviously, the whole world knows that a guy like you will not be looking for something physical, but incase she takes more interest in you than in the tourist attractions, dont worry. Do Swami Ramdev's Relaxasan. Very helpful.

3) If a female (actually any living creature that even remotely resembles one) offers to buy you a drink at this happening pub/disc/bistro, always refuse. You never know the drink could be spiked with some lame Viagra type intoxicant. If at all she insists on buying you a drink, tell her to come the next morning at 7 am outside the local railway station and buy you tea from Ramu's tea-stall. Ramu only puts water in the tea and there is never a chance of any unwanted addition except for sugar. (To be on the safer side bring on your sugar, very cheap, half kilo only 8 rupees)

4) The message
"Hi friends, My name is Billoo and I am mid-40s smart young handsome male looking female for travelling and also fun and adventure. Reply soon"
you posted on the Travel Forum will attract a lot of replies. So make sure you regularly check your inbox and delete once you read, so it does not get full and you dont lose out on important emails later. Do not give your your name out in any email. You can give your phone number though. Maybe you could attach a snap of some Hindi film actor. Most YHS look the same. Approximately.

5) If any girl or hotel roomboy makes fun of you, learn to take it well. Remember to laugh. Sense of humour is appreciated always, especially by female travel partners. Keep your confidence high. You are YHS - Young, Handsome, Smart. But what really matters is if you are male. If you are male, that is 60% of the battle won. You may not be very Young, very Handsome, very Smart but these are all not as important as you being male. You must be a complete male like that person from Raymond's Suitings Advertisement.

6) Adjust your underwear through your pant like no one is watching and fart like no one is hearing. Whether it is sweaty arms, or a dome-shaped belly, just be yourself. When you get to the beach in Goa, make sure you enter the water with your shirt on your body. Dont expose your body cheaply. Our culture will not allow it. In India, our moral standards are high.


Happy travels and fun and adventure.

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You have been searching on Google for "female travel partner". Dont say no. You naughty one. I can see it in your eyes. Ok, here's the scoop. On the 31st page of the search results in the 4th link that is displayed, you will come across a wonderful and one-of-a-kind site called www.i-am-a-female-travel-partner-and-you-can-have-me-now.com
Try that site. 100% guaranteed satisfaction. All problems solved.

Tourists in Goa... Part Two

This one was long overdue. After the Indian Tourists who visit Goa, its time to make a few categories of the firangi aka foreign variety.

1) Rebels/Ravers
- They wear loose pyjamas and sport unkempt hair, and are usually spotted puffing ciggies away like there is no tomorrow. Sometimes they are so tall and lean, they remind you of the stilt walkers. Get along pretty well with almost everyone in town and have a nagging tendency of inviting the wrath of stray dogs. They hang out by the beach and are always game for a joint and some cheap booze. There is very little that turns them on more than a rave gig with deafening goa trance. The girls mostly are German or Scandinavian while a surprising majority of the guys are Israelis. Most travel by local transport, and usually have a Lonely Planet Guide in one hand and a cig in the other. Their hairstyles can put all from Sanjay Malakar to Djibril Cisse to shame and their clothes will make all at Lakme Fashion Week proud.

2) Retired old couples
- Fat, rotund and pinkish in colour, and all of them almost without exception, have silver or golden hair. Blessed with the balance but not the vital stats of a figure skater, their burly frame is well supported by two legs although laws of mechanics might recommend three. They are mostly spotted walking around Panjim, carrying plastic bags full of miniature Taj Mahals and the like. Dont be surprised if they ask you for directions to the Panjim Church or the Head Post Office, while standing outside the very same place. Respond respectfully, not with laughter or malaise, but with words that will make them happy and assure them that getting around in Panjim is indeed hard. Being slow movers, their bulk and speed on the narrow footpaths remind you of old trucks on one-way lanes.

3) The rich bums
- The celeb, rich brats, spoilt kids of the rich and famous, who look just like any other tourists in Goa, can be spotted too. According to them, the sea is safe for swimming even when you are high on booze(the alcohol makes sure you float, not drown) and the roads safe for speeding two wheelers even though they have never rode on one ever. These specimen live in their hotel rooms, and sunbathe on the private beaches of the 5 star resorts. They usually see the sights as they pass by in their air-conditioned cars. There is a better chance you will recognise them on TV rather than in person. Celeb singers write songs in their hotel rooms, some shoot a video and the movie stars attend parties within the resorts, but in all this the fact remains - No one knows who they are. These specimen think they walk one foot above the ground, little realising they are thousands of miles below the sky.

Air Deccan rocks and shocks!

Keegan sent in an email forwarded to him - This is hilarious. Appears to be fictitious but a great read anyway. Air Deccan has been the subject of many a rant. (1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8)

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Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain PATEL welcoming
both seated and standing passengers on board of Air Deccan.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad
weather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we
will End up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favor, we may
even be landing on your village!

Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards
are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with
pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our
Passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and
memorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw. For our
not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you
find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown
as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie
buffs, we will be flying right next to Kingfisher Airline, where their
movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
Cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as
possible. For the best view , if however, we go a little too close, do
let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the
landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and
fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt,
kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of
you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a
stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.