Some random and (very) stray observations

So many reality shows on TV. MTV Splitsvilla is great if you love to check out fights on the street between two random people. MTV Roadies is great if you are an adult but your brain is still 8 years old. If you are into dance and you get kicks by watching people dance in outrageous costumes, then I suggest you don’t sleep for more than 3 hours a day because there are reality dance shows all the time. There is something called In Your Fest. Do check it out. It is extreme crap. Next thing, cookery shows on music channels. Presenting VJ Juhi’s culinary delights on Channel V’s Red Hot Chilli Peppers every Saturday at 11.30 a.m. By the time it boils, you check out this cool track – The latest bollywood movie song played for the ten thousandth time. Launchpad is the only saving grace right now, but I dread the day when Launchpad will have to hunt for bands. Good bands take years to develop, and a launchpad every year will mean bad bands and crap music that will be polished and decorated for television.


Elections, the biggest reality show, are hitting the house this month. Channel V is running a campaign called “Vote ya Vaat”. The idea is simple, you vote or else you will be in a very bad shape because this very cruel, evil government will be elected and you will be persecuted and left deformed and malfunctioning beyond any hope of repair. There was a time when the campaigns would go “VOTE FOR ME” and now they take the easy way out and just about everyone says “GO VOTE”. Politicians come on Channel V – self proclaimed youth icons – and ask you to vote. I suspect they cut the part where they say “For Me” and just show the first part where they say “Vote”. Times of India – that great epitome of freedom, justice and equality – have gotten into the act with some Lead India type campaign. I have made up my mind. I will vote. Hence, we will get a clean, honest and efficient government this time. Obviously. Don’t vote for change, and don’t vote for an upset, just go and vote.


My favourite sporting nation has always been Argentina, thanks to Maradona and Sabatini. Now, Argentina lost to Bolivia 1-6 on April fool’s Day. It was soccer (not tennis) but then besides the inauspicious day (any astrologer would agree), I feel it was the altitude that got to the Argentineans. Playing in La Paz is no joke, and although Bolivia is ranked 50 places below Argentina in the FIFA rankings, they are the number one team when you play in La Paz. Teach the Bolivians to hold a bat, and they will give the Indian team a run for their money in cricket atop La Paz.


Maneka Gandhi has been in the news lately, thanks to Varun Gandhi and Mayawati. I used to get moved by the tales of cruelty towards animals narrated by Maneka Gandhi on TV in the series called “Heads and Tails”. It was touching, but it did not change my life (or my non-veg diet) and I did not fall in love with animals. At home, we never had pets when I was small. Maybe that’s why I was and I still am, indifferent to the two pets we have right now – a dog and a cat. My sis is into pets big time and hence the pets exist. The cat is no problem. We have had a pet cat for quite some time now. When one cat would die, my sister would get another. Almost like recycling. Cats don’t bark. Dogs do. And the one pet dog we have, does bark loud and for no reason. That is one reason I am not very appreciative of the pet dog. For some reason, he starts howling and screaming in the middle of nothing. It’s not like he has seen a stranger or something unfamiliar. Maybe it’s his innate desire to get some attention in this world where everyone is so focussed on avoiding pink slips amidst the economic meltdown. But I don’t get it. Why does the dog make dumb, loud, crazy noises when everything else around is still? One more reason the cat scores is the fact that she does not come near you sniffing your feet in anticipation of an egg coming out of your toes any moment. The dog does. Now I love my pet dog as long as he stays away from me. I have this ‘you live and let me live’ policy. It can be also interpreted as a ‘you leave me alone and I leave you alone’ policy. The dog does not get it.


And yeah, the good old lady Madonna has been stopped from adopting another baby from Malawi. I don’t think she is doing the right thing by adopting a second baby from the same country. Just for kicks, she should be asked to adopt from some other country. There is Djibouti, Chad, Niger, Cameroon, Lesotho and many countries to choose from. Madonna is a funny one. If you are a young woman, Madonna will smooch you. If you are older, she probably wants you as a nanny. If you are a child, Madonna will adopt you. And if you are a guy, she might marry you. Okay, if you are a young guy, she might be looking at just a brief fling. But still wherever you go, Madonna may get you. She always is in the papers or somewhere near you. Omnipresent, I say.


Remember Jack and the beanstalk? If you ever make a movie on the story, remember to cast Dev Patel as the beanstalk. By the way, the beanstalk is dating the 4th sexiest woman in the world. Wow! Imagine the fate of Frieda Pinto’s classmates at St. Xavier’s. I’m sure some of them were thinking of Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie when the 4th sexiest woman in the world was sitting next to them in class. The most important lesson from it all – never ignore any girls in your vicinity, you never know when they might climb up on the sexy rating scale (whatever that is!)


It will be time to bid adieu to Goa soon. Just when I am getting into the groove, its Mumbai calling... bah!!!