Guitars

Why guitars are better than....

Men

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* Guitars don't work late.
* Your Guitar stays as clean as you want it to.
* Guitars don't have parents or kids.
* Guitars don't get sick.
* Guitars don't get overweight, unless you like the Jumbo style.
* If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
* Your Guitar always has time for you.
* Guitars don't watch TV.
* Guitars never need a shave, nor do they have hair on their backs.
* Guitars don't snore.
* Guitars don't leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.
* If you don't like the length of your Guitar's appendage you can get a new one.
* You can try out as many Guitars as you like before you get your own.
* You don't have to feed your Guitar.
* Guitars never argue, you are always right.
* Guitars never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.
* Guitars never try to show you off to their friends.
* Guitars don't come home drunk after a night out with the other Guitars.
* Guitars don't sneak around with other Guitars.
* Guitars don't care what you look like or what your age is.
* Guitars don't care and don't comment about what you spend your money on.
* Guitars don't care if you have to work late.
* When you're playing, your Guitar doesn't care if other Guitars are bigger or better.
* Guitars don't care about their performance.
* Guitars don't get you pregnant.
* Guitars don't have mothers.
* When you've finished playing, you can put it away.
* You don't have to praise a Guitar after playing it.
* Guitars don't sulk.
* Guitars don't bore you.
* Guitars don't abandon you at gatherings for more interesting players.
* Guitars don't have to prove anything.
* Guitars don't try to change you once you've bought them.
* Guitars don't get jealous of your male colleagues.
* Guitars never interrogate you.
* Second-hand Guitars don't brag about previous owners.
* Second-hand Guitars don't go to see previous owners when you're out of town.
* You don't have to explain to a Guitar if you don't feel like playing tonight.
* Guitars never put you down, yet you can put them down whenever you wish.
* Guitars don't complain if you wear "sensible" clothes.
* Guitars don't have egos.
* Guitars don't need remote control units.
* When you're lost you don't have to argue with your Guitar about stopping to ask the band for directions.
* When your Guitar is being played too slow, you can speed up.
* When you need someone to play with, your Guitar is happy to accomodate.
* You buy the tools your Guitar needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get used.
* You don't have to continually assure your Guitar that its string length is just right.
* You determine the length and frequency of playing, and you're always in control.
* Your Guitar never finishes before you do.
* Your Guitar doesn't complain about your going out to dinner with your women friends rather than staying at home with it.
* You never get helpful suggestions from your Guitar's mother.
* Your Guitars will allow you to play it even on Super Bowl Sunday.
* Your Guitar never complains if you put on a few pounds.
* When your Guitar is dysfunctional you know how to get it fixed (and know that it can be fixed).
* Your Guitar will never earn more than you do for the same job just because it's a Guitar.
* Your Guitar never spends a "night out with the Guitars" and comes home with a strange rash on its fretboard.

and last, but not least:

* Your Guitar will never turn into a beer bellied blob of wood and metal on the couch in front of the TV.





Why guitars are better than.....

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Women
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* Guitars don't get pregnant.
* You can play your Guitar any time of the month.
* Guitars don't have parents.
* Guitars don't whine... unless you want them to.
* You can share your Guitar with your friends.
* Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played
* Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you have.
* Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.
* Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.
* You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar" unless you go out to buy one yourself.
* If your Guitar is flat you can fix it.
* Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.
* Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.
* You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.
* If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
* You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore.
* You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
* Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.
* Guitars don't get headaches.
* Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.
* Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.
* Guitars don't care if you're late.
* You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.
* If your Guitar doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts.
* You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie or meet its mother.
* The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent thumb pick.
* When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.

and last, but not least:

* If you decide to part with an old Guitar, you don't have to give up half of everything you own.

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Source - Brian the brilliant