Thursday, May 03, 2007

Female travel partner wanted for young handsome smart male

you are looking for a female travel partner? Welcome!

Here are 6 things to remember if you are a 'young, handsome and smart' also called as 'YHS' males who travel alone and are actively on the hunt for travel partners (preferably female) for sharing and friendship and blah-blah-blu-blu and the like..

1) If you go out alone at night, and are walking on a lonely road to your hotel room, make sure you roll your eyes in all angles and keep your ears open for any movement that occurs in the bushes and trees beside the road. Some sex-starved female ape could pounce on you and bite your **** off!

2) When you have the inevitable option of choosing a female travelling partner (its obvious that a YHS guy will have them banging the front door down), be very careful. Most females will only look to sleep with you. Obviously, the whole world knows that a guy like you will not be looking for something physical, but incase she takes more interest in you than in the tourist attractions, dont worry. Do Swami Ramdev's Relaxasan. Very helpful.

3) If a female (actually any living creature that even remotely resembles one) offers to buy you a drink at this happening pub/disc/bistro, always refuse. You never know the drink could be spiked with some lame Viagra type intoxicant. If at all she insists on buying you a drink, tell her to come the next morning at 7 am outside the local railway station and buy you tea from Ramu's tea-stall. Ramu only puts water in the tea and there is never a chance of any unwanted addition except for sugar. (To be on the safer side bring on your sugar, very cheap, half kilo only 8 rupees)

4) The message
"Hi friends, My name is Billoo and I am mid-40s smart young handsome male looking female for travelling and also fun and adventure. Reply soon"
you posted on the Travel Forum will attract a lot of replies. So make sure you regularly check your inbox and delete once you read, so it does not get full and you dont lose out on important emails later. Do not give your your name out in any email. You can give your phone number though. Maybe you could attach a snap of some Hindi film actor. Most YHS look the same. Approximately.

5) If any girl or hotel roomboy makes fun of you, learn to take it well. Remember to laugh. Sense of humour is appreciated always, especially by female travel partners. Keep your confidence high. You are YHS - Young, Handsome, Smart. But what really matters is if you are male. If you are male, that is 60% of the battle won. You may not be very Young, very Handsome, very Smart but these are all not as important as you being male. You must be a complete male like that person from Raymond's Suitings Advertisement.

6) Adjust your underwear through your pant like no one is watching and fart like no one is hearing. Whether it is sweaty arms, or a dome-shaped belly, just be yourself. When you get to the beach in Goa, make sure you enter the water with your shirt on your body. Dont expose your body cheaply. Our culture will not allow it. In India, our moral standards are high.


Happy travels and fun and adventure.

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You have been searching on Google for "female travel partner". Dont say no. You naughty one. I can see it in your eyes. Ok, here's the scoop. On the 31st page of the search results in the 4th link that is displayed, you will come across a wonderful and one-of-a-kind site called www.i-am-a-female-travel-partner-and-you-can-have-me-now.com
Try that site. 100% guaranteed satisfaction. All problems solved.

6 comments:

Monday's Child said...

bless you for making me laugh until I cried!!

Sundancer said...

haha...good start to a Monday morning..hear that..haha? :)
Now why do I have a feeling that I've met this 'Billoo' somewhere before..? :PP

Jason said...

@monday's child,
:-) Thanks for dropping by

@sundancer,
Billoo is a fictitious name, but since you say you may have met him, i only hope you both hit it off!
:P

Ooh Black Doll said...

I wanna be that ftp of countless urban legends! Lol, I feel like a maniacal predator already... watch out hapless "man"kind, here I come!

:P

Jason said...

@ooh black doll,
Dont scare the adventure lover in Billoo away!

Amrita said...

LMAO, Jason, this is one funny blog!

 
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