Thursday, May 31, 2007

The Guys Rules

Another Ctrl C-Ctrl V post all lifted from an email from Brian.

Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Our rules.

  • Men are NOT mind readers.
  • Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  • Crying IS blackmail.
  • Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
  • Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
  • Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  • A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  • Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
  • If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
  • If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  • You can either ask us to do something. Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  • Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  • Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions & neither do we.
  • ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
  • If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  • If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  • When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
  • Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as cricket, soccer, gadgets or software.
  • You have enough clothes.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Reality tonic

A young doctor at AIIMS harassed because he was not born into a high caste family - here

And this mother who wanted to kill her severely retarded fifteen year old son - here

The Metro Files

I am a fan of reality. So most Bollywood movies are not my thing. Unless they are startlingly real. If i make a movie, the unknown and the ordinary person, born in a rugged home, slogged all his life to earn a living, loved by his family, and died a death in oblivion will be the star. There will be no dancers in colourful skimpy clothes, no happy endings, no death defying action scenes, no multiple extra marital affairs, no palatial mansions, no huge families, no million dollar business deals and the sort.

Movies for me happen only when friends get together. I have a few things to say on the movie called "Life in a Metro". Yeah, that is the name.

Its a movie about seven Mumbai dwellers who seek love and acceptance as they wholeheartedly devote themselves to their dreams. It tells everyone that people in the metros sleep around. Silly actually. Because in India, we have no such thing as sex. Its immoral. Judging by how things are going, someday sex will be banned for good. But then in movies, they have sex. So if you are in a village or remote town, and have been sleeping with the buffaloes and the cows till now, you have to progress to the next stage. Move to the metro.

The Shiney Ahuja - Shilpa Shetty angle is good. Shiney is this divorcee who finds a great friend in a married Shilpa plagued by a cheating husband in Kay Kay Menon. Shiney and Shilpa do not end up together. Thank God for that. I mean happy endings are good, but happy endings are not always real. In real life, shit happens. Life is unpredictable. Shiney is one of those guys whose acting skills are as good as his looks. But he cant beat Kay Kay and Irrfan Khan in the acting department.

Irrfan is this 38 year old who has been shunned by the female community and left untouched in all his virgin glory only to picked up by Konkona Sen Sharma, who habitually gets attracted to closet gay men in movies. Irrfan is a brave dude. He races on a horse in Mumbai traffic but that bit is trivial compared to what follows. He enters the ladies compartment of a Mumbai train to hug Konkona. I think he could have waited outside. Oh and by the way, can 60 women packed in a ladies compartment, all smile and clap with both hands? For one thing, its hard to get 2 women to agree to something. But in the movie, they will do anything to make some happy endings happier.

Kangana Ranaut - > girl you are distracting. Its hard to focus on the movie when Kangana looks this good. That run through the streets in the end was fun :-) She dumps Kay Kay, her boss, for Sharman Joshi who is the proud keeper of the only empty flat in Mumbai.

Why do Dharmendra and Nafisa Ali take so long to get out of bed? I know Dharmendra is 71 and Nafisa will be 60 in August and senility may be setting in, but still, i think they took way too long. Most kitchens in Panjim restaurants close at 3.00 pm, and no amount of explaining the perils of senility can get the restaurants to delay their kitchen closing time. Anyways we did get lunch in the end. If Nafisa had died a little later, maybe we might not have.

What is it about some people who watch movies by getting so absorbed by them? It feels like they are inside the movie. They watch it with open mouths. The mouth gets opened wider and wider as the movie progresses. So wide, it feels like they are out to swallow the screen. Any screen where you can spot the nose hair in the actors is not small. Its like watching a tennis match and turning your head side to side as you catch up with the words emanating from the character on the left and the one on the right. A nudge is not enough to bring the lost souls back to reality. You can eat their popcorn and they wont notice. Sometimes its good to shake them for half a minute till they come back to reality and tell them its just acting. Its not real. Remember playing house as a kid and playacting. A bit like that. I had to remind Kunal in the middle of Rang de Basanti that the gun shots and the deaths was all acting. That guy gets inside the movie. I thought he would run to the screen and start shooting at the police officers with an umbrella or a pen for a gun. Thankfully, no gunshots in this movie.

Topi - Thats the Hindi word for cap. Thats also what they call a condom in the movie - A Topi. Is there a Hindi word for condom? I am not sure, but i have a feeling i have figured out the reason for our burgeoning population. Imagine this conversation between A and B

A - Mere 7 bacche hai. (I have seven kids)
B - Accha? Topi nahin pahente kya? (Dont you wear a Topi?)
A - Paheni to thi. Phir bhi. Pata nahi kaise. (I do, but still happens. Dont know how.)
B - Mein toh Adidas topi pahenta hoon. Abhi tak kuch nahin hua. (I wear a Adidas Topi. Nothing happened as yet)

Some serious Reviews - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
The official site of the movie - here

Serious verdict - Watchable. Pretty realistic portrayals i would think.

Cricket Quiz - All the trivia buffs come on over

Send me an email with the answers.
Email Id in my profile.

  • Educated in Lahore and Oxford, this multi-faceted cricketer scored a hundred at the SCG on his Ashes debut for England and later was employed in the Indian Foreign Service. Name him.
  • Name the only Test cricketer to have won a Olympic hockey gold medal.
  • Name any one Test Cricketer born in each of the following non-Test playing countries
1) Italy
2) Portugal
3) Hong Kong
4) Afghanistan
5) Malaysia
6) Mozambique
7) Swaziland
8) Peru
9) Egypt
10) Papua New Guinea
11) USA
12) Panama
13) Kenya
14) Zambia
15) Germany

  • Name the only player to have appeared in Test matches in both rugby and cricket for New Zealand.
  • He represented the West Indies in cricket and lawn-tennis, and also won the Trinidad & Tobago table-tennis singles title in 1949. Further to this, he also made it to the Trinidad & Tobago team in basketball and soccer. Name him.
  • India has been served by two players both in hockey and Test cricket. Name them.
  • Which Test cricketer has played soccer for both New Zealand and Australia?
  • The son of which cricketer represented his country in Rugby U-17 and Test cricket?
  • Which fast bowler was given the middle names Alexei and McNamara (after the Soviet and American politicians) by his father whose name was Kissinger? His sister is named Golda.
  • Which Indian cricketer is also a fingerprint expert?
  • The 1996 Wisden records say that "fried calamari stopped play" during a South African domestic match at Paarl in February 1995. What happened?
  • Which country other than Australia did both Mark and Steve Waugh both represent?
  • Who played against Brian Lara when he scored his 501 not out, and was West Indies' 12th man when he scored his 375?
  • After having found a place in the Australin team as a wicketkeeper for the 1890 tour of England, this cricketer tells the management that he has never kept wickets before once the team had safely embarked on their voyage. Name him.
  • Find a relation between the Toronto Blue Jays and the Indian cricket team with respect to the members.
  • An accomplished cricketer and coach, he devised Zimbabwe's car registration system and his sister captained the Zimbabwe women's field hockey team which won the gold medal in the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow. Name him.
  • Born two months prematurely and afflicted with meningitis when he was a few months old, he was given only a one in four chance of survival, but survive he did. However, although it was not realised for some time, he was left totally deaf by the disease. When he was four, he had an operation to regain his hearing. The operation was successful, but left him with terrible coordination difficulties. He was consequently some way behind his age group when he went to school. He worked as a installer of refrigeration and air conditioning units during this period of his career. He is related to a famous golfer. Name him.
  • Which big hitting all rounder has the name of an island country for a middle name?
  • She played 7 tests for Australia. Her brother played 41 Tests. Her husband has stood in 10 ODIs. Name her.
  • When he took the wicket of Michael Vaughan in his debut test, he became the first bowler for his country to take a wicket in his first international over. He died in a motor accident and is now the youngest Test cricketer to have died. Who is he?
  • Besides Graeme Hick, name the only other Test cricketer who was born in Zimbabwe but represented another country in tests.
  • Dave Whatmore and Jehan Mubarak are related in some unique manner to Sri Lankan cricket. How?
  • She was born in Canada, and played for Netherlands and New Zealand. Name her.
  • He played football at under-18 level for Scotland, and cricket for three countries. Name him.
  • Who is the the only known Test cricketer to have been executed?
  • Clayton Lambert and Faoud Bacchus have played international cricket for the West Indies and also played for the USA. Name another West Indian ODI cricketer who now plays for the USA.
  • Name the West Indies cricketer who has served as the Speaker of the House of Assembly and the President of the Board of Education in his country.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Hutch Eskimo Ad

Check this out

Top ten books related to Goa

I got this list from Goanet

1. Domnic's Goa: A nostalgic romp through a bygone era.
Author: Domnic Fernandes
Publisher: Abbe Faria Productions
Price: Rs 350.00
Year of publication: 2007

2. Butterflies of Goa
Author: Parag Ragnekar
Publisher: Mineral Foundation of Goa
Price: Rs 150.00
Year of publication: 2007

3. Snapshots of Indo-Portuguese History: Pangim
Author: Vasco Pinho
Publisher: Vasco Pinho
Price: Rs Rs 295
Year of publication: 2007

4. How To Be An Instant Goan
Author: Valentino Fernandes
Publisher: Diamond Publications
Price: Rs 150
Year of publication: 2006, 4th edition

5. Goa: A Daughter's Story
Author: Maria Aurora Couto
Publisher: Penguin
Price: Rs 495 (hb) Rs 350 (pb)
Year of publication: 2004

6. 100 Goan Experiences
Author: Pantaleao Fernandes
Publisher: The Word
Price: Rs 395
Year of publication: 2006

7. Window on Goa: A History and Guide
Author: Maurice Hall
Publisher: Cimino Publishing Group
Price: Rs 695
Year of Publication: 1995

8. The Parish Churches of Goa: A Study of Facade Architecture
Author: Jose Lourenco
Publisher: Amazing Goa Publications
Price: Rs 495
Year of publication: 2006

9. An Historical Sketch of the City of Goa
Author: José Nicolau da Fonseca
Publisher: BR Publishers (Post-copyright reprints)
Price: Rs 575
Year of publication: 2006, originally published in 1878

10. Tivolem: A Novel
Author: Victor Rangel-Ribeiro
Publisher: Milkweed
Price: Rs 495
Year of publication: 1998

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Lessons from a pencil

  • It tells you that everything you do will leave a mark
  • You can always correct your mistakes
  • What is important is what is inside you and not what is on the outside
  • Sharpenings are painful, but they make you a better person.
  • To be the best, you must allow yourself to be held and guided by the hand above you.

Lessons from a pencil was sent to me as a text message. No idea who the original author is.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Female travel partner wanted for young handsome smart male

you are looking for a female travel partner? Welcome!

Here are 6 things to remember if you are a 'young, handsome and smart' also called as 'YHS' males who travel alone and are actively on the hunt for travel partners (preferably female) for sharing and friendship and blah-blah-blu-blu and the like..

1) If you go out alone at night, and are walking on a lonely road to your hotel room, make sure you roll your eyes in all angles and keep your ears open for any movement that occurs in the bushes and trees beside the road. Some sex-starved female ape could pounce on you and bite your **** off!

2) When you have the inevitable option of choosing a female travelling partner (its obvious that a YHS guy will have them banging the front door down), be very careful. Most females will only look to sleep with you. Obviously, the whole world knows that a guy like you will not be looking for something physical, but incase she takes more interest in you than in the tourist attractions, dont worry. Do Swami Ramdev's Relaxasan. Very helpful.

3) If a female (actually any living creature that even remotely resembles one) offers to buy you a drink at this happening pub/disc/bistro, always refuse. You never know the drink could be spiked with some lame Viagra type intoxicant. If at all she insists on buying you a drink, tell her to come the next morning at 7 am outside the local railway station and buy you tea from Ramu's tea-stall. Ramu only puts water in the tea and there is never a chance of any unwanted addition except for sugar. (To be on the safer side bring on your sugar, very cheap, half kilo only 8 rupees)

4) The message
"Hi friends, My name is Billoo and I am mid-40s smart young handsome male looking female for travelling and also fun and adventure. Reply soon"
you posted on the Travel Forum will attract a lot of replies. So make sure you regularly check your inbox and delete once you read, so it does not get full and you dont lose out on important emails later. Do not give your your name out in any email. You can give your phone number though. Maybe you could attach a snap of some Hindi film actor. Most YHS look the same. Approximately.

5) If any girl or hotel roomboy makes fun of you, learn to take it well. Remember to laugh. Sense of humour is appreciated always, especially by female travel partners. Keep your confidence high. You are YHS - Young, Handsome, Smart. But what really matters is if you are male. If you are male, that is 60% of the battle won. You may not be very Young, very Handsome, very Smart but these are all not as important as you being male. You must be a complete male like that person from Raymond's Suitings Advertisement.

6) Adjust your underwear through your pant like no one is watching and fart like no one is hearing. Whether it is sweaty arms, or a dome-shaped belly, just be yourself. When you get to the beach in Goa, make sure you enter the water with your shirt on your body. Dont expose your body cheaply. Our culture will not allow it. In India, our moral standards are high.

Happy travels and fun and adventure.


You have been searching on Google for "female travel partner". Dont say no. You naughty one. I can see it in your eyes. Ok, here's the scoop. On the 31st page of the search results in the 4th link that is displayed, you will come across a wonderful and one-of-a-kind site called
Try that site. 100% guaranteed satisfaction. All problems solved.

Powered by Olark