Cricket World Cup 2007 - Oooh aaah ouuch

India's exit at the World Cup has given me 4 reasons to smile. To look back and say, it feels so good its over. 4 No-mores i am thankful for:

1) No More Illusions -
That we are the world's best team or can be one. We have a great Test team. Why? Because Test cricket is not about running hard between the wickets and diving in the field. Test cricket does not make every dot ball count as much as One-Day cricket does. In Test cricket, technique is still king. We need batsmen and we need bowlers. We dont need athletes. One-day cricket on the other hand is becoming more exciting and appealing than ever. The future belongs to the team that has players who can do three things really well ( besides batting and bowling, which are the obvious pre-requisites) One, dive on the field and stop the extra run, two, convert the twos into threes through excellent running between the wickets and three, hit a ball into the stands at will. This means, future one-day cricketers must be quick, athletic and strong. If India has to be a powerhouse in one-day cricket, this is the direction to mould the players into.

2) No more stupid fake advertisements -
Sunfeast's 'har ghar mein Sachin', Samsung's 'hamare team ka kaptaan banoge?', Pepsi's 'ooh aah India Aaya India' and needless more.. Finally they have realised the Indian cricket team is human. The dumbest thing though, is how infinitely stupid our cricketers are. If a cricketer gets paid to say "I am the god who never fails because i drink susu-cola" he will say it little realising that susu-cola is drawing the profits and he is raising the expectations of a population that seeks relief and an escape from the reality show called survival in cricket victories, cinematic illusions and copulation. Raising 1 billion hopes with some stupid 'Ladega toh Jeetega' wont help at all. 1 billion hopes can go to the dogs, but please don't let down the sponsors! Just try to hang in there. Money talks and rocks and walks. And also socks. India is 136/6. Sehwag, Sachin, Dhoni all back in the pavilion, and you have a Ooh-Aaa-India ad... WOW!! Timing is everything....

3) No more Greg Chappell (Hopefully) -
Never liked this guy. Not a single batsman specific strategy against Sri Lanka. No gameplan. Nothing. Just excuses. He started off with the whole big bad experimentation histrionics. Nothing came off. The whole gaffe flopped so badly, that the selectors had to send a team to the World Cup based on popular choice and least risk options. In Indian Summers, John Wright mentions the words of a South African who said something like "In India, if you win they will name a street after you but you lose and the same guys will chase you down the same street". Greg Chappell cant get away with a under-arm delivery this time. Face the music.

4) No more Mandira Bedi -
Is she in a cricket analysis show for what? her beauty? her fashion bloopers? her cricketing knowledge? her patriotic enthusiasm? Mandira Bedi could have been excused the last time at the 2003 World Cup, not now though, because you expect 4 years to be a long enough time to pick up on a little bit of cricketing jargon and atleast have the tendency to ask decent questions to the former cricketers. Mandira Bedi is a very good actress. I am not so sure about cricket though, just wonder if the money is really so much good, that she is so willing to make a complete fool of herself in a show about a sport she understands a fair bit but knows nothing of beyond the surface to be anchoring a cricket analysis programme. I had decided to sit through an entire session of Extraaaaa Innninnngggsss and note down all the questions and comments coming from Mandira before the match, during the break and after the match and post them here. But then figured its just not worth the effort. But i leave you with a gem that can only come from Mandira - After the first innings of the India v/s Bermuda match, India posted a total 413 for 5. Mandira came up with a question for Dean Jones "Was there any excuse for Ganguly for playing out a maiden over?" Is there no other good-looking and popular actress who follows cricket with genuine passion?

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There is hope for India though. Get Manoj Tiwary, Rohit Sharma, Piyush Chawla, Cheteshwar Pujara, Gaurav Dhiman and Suresh Raina please! Its a great time to throw the youngster into the ring. Adversity is a good mother, because the real champions are born out of her womb..

Air Deccan rocks and shocks!

Keegan sent in an email forwarded to him - This is hilarious. Appears to be fictitious but a great read anyway. Air Deccan has been the subject of many a rant. (1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8)

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Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain PATEL welcoming
both seated and standing passengers on board of Air Deccan.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad
weather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we
will End up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favor, we may
even be landing on your village!

Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards
are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with
pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our
Passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and
memorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw. For our
not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you
find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown
as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie
buffs, we will be flying right next to Kingfisher Airline, where their
movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
Cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as
possible. For the best view , if however, we go a little too close, do
let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the
landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and
fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt,
kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of
you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a
stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.

Dear God

A Nun asked her class to write notes to God.
Here are some they handed in:

**********

#I didn’t think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool.

#Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You keep the ones You already have?

#Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other if they had their own rooms. That’s what my Mom did for me and my brother.

#If You watch me in church on Sunday, I’ll show You my new shoes.

#I bet it is very hard to love everyone in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I’m having a hard time loving all of them.

#In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?

#Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?

#Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?

#Who draws the lines around the countries?

#I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church. Is that OK?

#Did You really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if You did, then I’m going to get my brother good.

#Thank You for the baby brother, but I think you got confused because what I prayed for was a puppy.

#You don’t have to worry about me; I always look both ways.

#I think about You sometimes, even when I’m not praying.

#My brother told me about being born but it doesn’t sound right. They’re just kidding, aren’t they?

#I would like to live 900 years just like the guy in the Bible.

#We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So, I bet he stole Your idea.

(LINK)

A 13 year old dream ..

Almost 13 years ago, Brian Lara received a clamorous welcome when he returned to Trinidad after making a then-record Test score of 375 against England in Antigua. He was showered with gifts and walked a crimson carpet as crowds flocked to the airport to glimpse West Indies' new cricketing messiah. Fans held children aloft to see the man with the golden bat who embodied the Caribbean islands' hopes of a new era of domination. One of those kids was a 10-year-old boy from the valley town of Santa Cruz who recounts 'I was at the airport when Lara came back home. Someone lifted me up to see as I was too small. People were saying to me, "In 10 years' time we hope it is you that we are coming to see." A couple of weeks later I actually met him in person, in our village [Cantaro] in Santa Cruz. Talk was going around that I was going to be "the next Lara", so he asked me about that and I just smiled. I was just happy to be around him. Knowing that he was the best player in the world and that I could actually be so close and talk to him was something I admired.'

More here

Bob Woolmer murder suspect

Bob Woolmer has been murdered. He was the coach of the Pakistan team who died of asphyxiation caused by manual strangulation less than 24 hours after Pakistan lost to Ireland in a first round match on Saturday. He was found unconscious at 10.45 am local time in his hotel room in Kingston, Jamaica by a chambermaid. His last known form of communication was an email he sent out to his wife at 3.12 am local time.

Never before has a murder scandal of this proportion hit world cricket.

Sickeningly, the amount of speculation and rumours surrounding the murder are rife. Who might be responsible? Why was he murdered? Hindi news channels in India have an amazing tendency to jump the gun to grab eyeballs (read TRPs). If they receive an anonymous call from a prankster who divulges false information and implicates a famous person in the murder, will they run it as "BREAKING NEWS" first and then bother about figuring out who was on the line? I wonder...

The Effort Effect - Carol Dweck

Sometimes talent fades away. Sometimes, it persists and shines. Many are the ruminations and excogitations on the subject.

Failure could mean two things - for some it is a road-block, while others perceive it as a stepping stone to success. Who thinks what? and why do they percieve it that way?

Guy Kawasaki points to a interesting study by a Psychology Professor at Stanford University, Carol Dweck who believes she has some answers. (See illustration)

Foreign-born players at the ICC World Cup

Anthropology experts after having carefully examined and analysed hundreds of doctoral dissertations have concluded that there are two types of people in this world. One, who love cricketing trivia, and the other, who don't.

If you are a cricketing trivia buff, you will relish this with glee. However, if you belong to the second category of people, please do me a favour before you proceed further : Please keep all hard and easy to fling objects away from you, I repeat, please keep all hard and easy to fling objects away from you, as you might just be tempted to throw the flower pot or something of the sort on my nose (with glee?) for making your day a little more miserable!

Here we go...

The ICC Cricket World Cup 2007 is underway. Among the 16 teams in the tournament, there are 5 who have qualified by virtue of their performance in the qualification tournament, the ICC Trophy.

Interestingly, a majority of the cricketers in associate and affiliate countries, the ones that need to qualify, are expatriates from or born in Test playing countries.

Here is a list of all the countries at this year's tournament with the players in their ranks who were born in a country, other than the one they are representing at the moment.

Canada has 12 players -> Geoff Barnett in New Zealand, Umar Bhatti & Qaiser Ali in Pakistan, Anderson Cummins & George Codrington in Barbados, Ashish Bagai & Ashif Mulla in India, Sunil Dhaniram & Abdool Samad in Guyana Desmond Chumney in St Kitts, Austin Codrington in Jamaica, and Henry Osinde in Uganda.

The Netherlands has 8 players -> Billy Stelling, Ryan ten Doeschate & Eric Szwarczynski in South Africa, Adeel Raja & Mohammad Kashif in Pakistan, Peter Borren & Darron Reekers in New Zealand and Alexei Kervezee in Namibia.

Scotland has 5 players -> Ryan Watson in Zimbabwe, Paul Hoffmann & Glenn Rogers in Australia, Fraser Watts in England and Dewald Nel in South Africa.

Ireland has 4 players -> Trent Johnston, Dave Langford-Smith & Jeremy Bray in Australia, and Andre Botha in South Africa.

England has 4 players -> Kevin Pieterson and Andrew Strauss in South Africa, Jamie Dalrymple in Kenya, and Ed Joyce in Ireland

Kenya has 2 players -> Rajesh Bhudia and Tanmay Mishra in India

New Zealand has 1 player -> Scott Styris in Australia

Australia has 1 player -> Andrew Symonds in England

Bermuda has 1 player -> Saleem Mukuddem in South Africa

India, Pakistan, West Indies, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, South Africa, and Zimbabwe have no foreign born players within their ranks.

Information all taken from good old Cricinfo Incase you are wondering who the hell is Cricinfo, he is another cricket buff, but much worse than me!

Now was that not enlightening information!

Its time to rush and vanish at a speed faster than the time it takes for you to get to that flower pot!

The Gavaskar Ponting spat

Sunil Gavaskar made the following comment -

Australia's come-uppance at the hands of England and New Zealand has gladdened the hearts of not just the other aspirants for the World Cup but also the followers of the game. There is not the slightest doubt that in the last decade or so the Aussies have been awesome in batting, bowling and fielding which has taken them to the top of the cricketing ladder in both Test and limited overs cricket. But they have also been awful in the way they have sometimes behaved on the field much to the chagrin of the traditional fans of the game. Unlike the West Indian teams of the 1970s and 1980s which dominated world cricket in much the same way as the Australians are doing now, the Australians are not popular winners. The Windies were feared for the ferocity of their attack and the aggression of their batsmen but at the end of the playing day the West Indian player was not only admired but also liked. They went about their job in a no fuss manner and hardly had anything to say to the opponents, unlike the Aussies who have plenty to say and seldom in a humorous way. Banter works, abuse doesn't. (Link)

Ricky Ponting's response

"We all know the way he played his cricket, don't we? If he is talking about us, what about the way India have played their cricket over the last few years? I know who I would rather be going to watch. Have a look at how many Test matches they have won. He [Gavaskar] has been a big part of that, he has been a selector and he has been on the coaching committee. They might want to start to look at the way they play their own cricket rather than looking at us. For him to go on about behaviour, not too many captains have dragged their teams off the field, either. I don't mind if 'Mr Perfect' comes out and goes on about our team, I know we are all not perfect. We are not going to keep everyone happy 100% of the time. But for some of these guys that have done it all themselves, it's pretty high and mighty for them to say that."

Ponting admitted he had been reported "more than anybody" since becoming captain - he was found guilty of dissent twice in 2006 - but returned to Gavaskar and recalled his attempted walk-off at the MCG in 1980-81. (Link)

Ponting has two arguments here.
1) He believes Gavaskar, who has been on the coaching committee and a selector, has had a major role to play in India's dismal performance in the last 12 tests, of which India won only 3.
2) Gavaskar threatened to walk off the field in a test match once. So he is no Mr Perfect and should not be lecturing others on behaviour.

Gavaskar has given a reply. But before we go into that, here are a few FACTS to ponder over.

Can a selector or a person on the coaching committee make the team win? I think Ponting should ask Greg Chappell if he has been the reason for India's dismal performance. The only thing i fear, if India does well at the ongoing World Cup, is this Chappell dude, a renowned specialist in crappy tactics to win games(video), taking the credit. He has had no notable coaching achievements, and the guys at BCCI were perhaps impressed by the smooth talk and authoritative tone of voice, and with his playing achievements to boot, they figured he was the best guy for the job of Indian coach. Paul Wilson, a South Australian test cricketer, believes "he was a poor coach when it came to looking after a group of people."

Gavaskar has had good things to say about Ponting before. In his comments, he was not targeting Ponting, but the entire Australian team as a whole. Ponting could not resist taking a personal cheapshot. Ponting is No Mr. Perfect. When was Gavaskar fined for dissent? I checked here and here and here and here and here but the star of the show is Ricky Ponting in each case. How many cricketers have had alcohol problems and pub-fights and illegal bat issues with the ICC, besides being fined for dissent?

India have been at the receiving end for far too long. The Australians say they will get over it. Will they? Ever?

Now getting back to Gavaskar. His retort

Some day, some other hot-head guy might actually get down and you know whack somebody who abuses him. There's the example of the late David Hookes. Would the Australians who use that kind of language on the field, and not all of them do, in a bar and would they get away with it? Would they have a fist coming at their face or not? The reason the walk off took place was simply because I was abused by the Australians. Let me also come back to what he [Ponting] said about the way I played my cricket and I do not know what he's looking at. When he talks about the Indian team not having won matches, we are not talking about winning matches here, we are talking about behavior on the field. The West Indians were popular winners, there was an affection about the West Indians players in spite of the fact that they were beating you in three days, they [West Indies] did not abuse the opponents. They did not have anything to say to the opponents. When they were dominating world cricket the West Indians did not resort to personal abuse on the field, they just played the game hard, they were very tough competitors but there was nothing untoward in their behaviour towards their opponents. West Indian players always had a smile on their face when they came in at the end of day's play to talk with you and to commiserate when you lost, you could see that there was no arrogance there. Cricket lovers all over the world wanted the West Indies teams to get back on their feet and start winning again. (Link)

Here is what Cricinfo has to say about the Gavaskar walk-off which Ponting pointed out so well..

In February 1981, Australia met India at Melbourne in the final game of a three-match series which Australia led 1-0. Gavaskar, India's captain, had struggled from the off, dismissed for a duck by Lillee in the opening Test at Sydney and following that with scores of 10, 23 and 5. At the MCG that poor run continued - he made 10 as India conceded a first-innings deficit of 182.

The series had been dogged by some inconsistent umpiring which the Indians felt had largely gone against them. The inexperienced Rex Whitehead, who made his debut in the first Test and stood in all three matches, was singled out for blame. In the aftermath of the Lillee-Gavaskar incident, Shahid Durrani, India's manager, cited seven decisions made by Whitehead which had gone against India and, he said, caused them to become angry.

Second time around at the MCG, India put up a much better fist of things. Opening with Chetan Chauhan, Gavaskar had finally begun to find his form and was enjoying a feeling of "confidence and optimism" as they put on 165 for the first wicket.

But then came the fireworks. Lillee jagged one back into Gavaskar, who was on 70, and appealed for leg-before. That the ball was hitting was not in doubt, but Gavaskar was adamant that he had edged it. Whitehead disagreed, and gave him out. "We were sure," Lillee recalled. "The only one who had a problem with it was Sunny who, until that day, had never scored runs against me."

Gavaskar stood his ground long enough for his anger to be apparent, slapping his bat into his pad for good measure. "He spat the dummy right out of the pram," Lillee explained. He further antagonised the fuming Gavaskar by advancing down the pitch, pointing at the pad and offering a few choice words of advice.

As Gavaskar reluctantly started to leave, Lillee made one comment too many and Gavaskar snapped, returning to the crease and instructing Chauhan to walk off the pitch with him. A bemused Chauhan did as he was told, but at the boundary edge the batsmen were met by Durrani and Bapu Nadkarni, the assistant manager. Chauhan was persuaded to return to resume his innings, while Gavaskar was ushered into the pavilion. But Chauhan's concentration was wrecked, and he added only a few more runs before holing out to Bruce Yardley in the covers for 85, to give Lillee his second wicket of the innings.

Durrani's quick intervention saved the incident from becoming far more serious. Had Gavaskar succeeded in his walkoff then it was not inconceivable that India could have forfeited the Test.

"I was infuriated by the injustice of it all," Gavaskar told reporters. "Whitehead has stood in all three Tests, and many bad decisions by him have gone against us."

Lillee was in no doubt what was behind Gavaskar's histrionics. "I know from what his team-mates told me that he was desperate to score a hundred against me. It was frustration at getting so close to his goal which made him blow up."(Link)

We have verbal abuse, also termed as sledging. We have woofing. Maybe the Aussies can introduce a form of kick-boxing on the cricket field, and give it a fancy name, and say its just part of being aggressive. The Aussies have been known to mentally disintegrate opponents on the field and off the field with mind games. Sometimes even resorting to racial abuse. So when a blow comes your way, and you cant duck out, you must be brave enough to take it.

Just to put things in perspective, Gavaskar is no Ganguly. When Ganguly gives back, its payback time in full measure. Gavaskar's views on sledging can be known for a speech of his here. But Ganguly belongs to a more aggressive, in-your-face school of thought. Gavaskar is the gentlemanly character, the one who is seen, as the more sedate and patient guy in the pack. His comments are balanced comments where he affirms that in the last decade or so the Aussies have been awesome in batting, bowling and fielding which has taken them to the top of the cricketing ladder in both Test and limited overs cricket. There can be no two ways about it. Just like there are no two ways about the Aussie behaviour on and off the field.

Did i do something wrong?

Transcript of a online chat conversation with Jayesh

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Jayesh (3/9/2007 11:26:15 AM): jackson bab

Me (3/9/2007 11:26:22 AM): Hi Jayesh
Me (3/9/2007 11:26:24 AM): How are you
Me(3/9/2007 11:26:27 AM): How is work
Me(3/9/2007 11:26:30 AM): How is your job
Me (3/9/2007 11:26:40 AM): How is your life
Me (3/9/2007 11:26:44 AM): How is Pune
Me (3/9/2007 11:26:50 AM): How is everyne at home
Me (3/9/2007 11:27:17 AM): How are things
Me (3/9/2007 11:27:24 AM): How are your colleagues at work

Jayesh has signed out. (3/9/2007 11:27 AM)

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P.S. I am normally not so curious

A cry in the wilderness?

The 'Association of the Unknowns' has organised a massive Protest Rally at the Very Big Stadium to protest against the discrimination of ordinary and unknown people from all over in everyday life.

With bright large banners full of vivid messages like "Know us now" and "Glory to someone" and "Attention is our warcry", members from the group announced their intentions at a road blockade outside the office of the city's top newspaper "Whines of the World". The road blockade was the last resort because their last 3 press conferences were attended by 1 journalist, and their story never made its way to the local press.

The group expressed dismay at the shabby treatment meted out to normal people by society as compared to famous people, and oppugned the basis for it. The group said that while issues and champions of sexual discrimination, racial discrimination, religious discrimination, regional discrimination have been highlighted, no one has raised their little finger by a millimetre towards the menace of ordinariness based discrimination.

It appears that the organisation is planning many activities to draw attention to their problems. Some of the issues they want to address at the rally relate to everyday life a few of which include (quoted from 'A proclamation of revolt')

• The actions of famous people become a fashion statement. Consider burping. The style in which a famous person burps is imitated by people. Parents encourage their kids to burp in a similiar manner. Unknown people are frowned upon if they burp in a style that does not conform to any famous style. This hinders them from exhibiting their flair.
  

• At traffic signals, beggars throw money on the celebrities as a show of their appreciation and love. Unknown people, on the other hand, are harassed by the same beggars and let go only if they part with some cash. The discrimination at traffic signals is the most appalling.
  

• Celebs are paid to attend public functions, inauguration of business establishments, school day functions and given free snacks. Unknown people on the contrary, have to be given invites or have to pay to attend. Snacks also have to be paid for (sometimes).
  

• When a famous person goes shirtless (or topless or even nude), its termed as either artistic or bold or sensual. When unknown people do the same, its termed as insane and vulgar.
  

• While famous people can fart audibly in public, unknown souls have to be more cautious with the decibel level. Deplorably, double standards are employed here, causing the majority of the unknown people to suppress and let go quietly and hence powerfully for the odour to be strong enough to be used as a tranquiliser for wild elephants.
  

• Famous people are mobbed for autographs and photographs wherever they go. Unknown people, have to pay photographers to click a routine picture at the Gateway of India. Autographs are sought only in banks.
  

A brochure aptly titled 'A proclamation of revolt' published for the rally, was released just on the road to commemorate the occasion. The brochure contains the philosophy, the mission statement and information about the various activities. Copies of the brochure are being forcefully distributed on the streets. As for future plans after the rally, the protestors said that they intend to march to the adjoining bhelpuri stalls at the rally grounds and help themselves.

In the ensuing conversation, the Chairman of the Association of the Unknowns asked, ' famous people are demi-gods, but cant non-famous people like me be treated atleast like semi-gods?'.

When it was pointed out that there is no term like semi-gods, he broke down. With tears in his eyes and a choked voice, he went on 'Can't you just accept that semi-god is a term, instead of casting doubts over me and my grasp of English and in the process looking down on me just because i'm not famous'.

Wiping away the tears, and gathering his wits, with a determined look in his eyes he asserted, 'i will do something about this. I will change things. I am sick and tired of being the victim all the time. Its time for change. Yes, I will become famous'.

When asked as to how he plans to become famous, he revealed plans to organise more protest rallies and all night vigils to raise awareness about the issue. Now guys, be good and spread the message! Else he will start crying again and it will be all your fault! Yes, you, the reader!

Overheard!

The following are actual conversations overheard !! Not a bunch of of made-up jokes...

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Blonde: ... So as soon as we got home from spring break I told my boyfriend that I had sex with Brad on the beach.
Friend: Oh my gosh! What did your boyfriend do?!
Blonde: He said, 'I guess we're not riding in Brad's limo for prom.'
Friend: What's wrong with Brad's limo?!

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Bimbette looking up at cliff face: Hey, do rocks eat other rocks?
Guy: ... Huh?
Bimbette: Do rocks eat other rocks? You know, so that they can grow into bigger rocks...
Guy: Are you serious? No, rocks do not eat other rocks.
Bimbette: Then, like... How do they get bigger?
Guy: [Silence.]
Bimbette: Like, what do they eat?

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Chick: So, what's there to do for fun around here?
Lifeguard: I dont know, I'm Canadian.

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Boy #1: Yeah, it was cool, but that bouncer searched me like crazy. He was patting my thighs and stuff. Security is crazy at that place, huh?
Boy #2: What security?
Boy #3: What bouncer?
Boy #1: You know, that big, fat guy near the entrance.
Boy #2: There was no security dude.
Boy #1: ... Then who the hell was that guy?!

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Mother taking away son's boogie board: Enough, time to leave and go home.
Young son: You don't deserve a child!

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Teen girl #1: Are you done yet?
Teen girl #2: Still haven't done it yet... By the way, you might not want to get in the way of the current!
Boy: Gross! She's peeing!
Teen girl #2: Shhh! Everyone can hear you!

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Kid #1: Wanna make a sand castle?
Kid #2: I don't like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go swimming?
Kid #2: I don't like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go eat ice cream?
Kid #2: Wanna go die?

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Mom: Are you ready to go?
Little girl: No!
Mom: Okay, let's go!

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Chick #1: So, where are you going for your trip?
Chick #2: Thailand!
Chick #1: Cool! I worked with a guy from Korea once!
Chick #2: Ummm, yeah, that's not the same, really.
Chick #1: It's not? Oh... Things must be different now than from when he lived there.

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Anorexic girl: I wish I had AIDS. I hear you lose a lot of weight that way.

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Girl #1: Great, now we can't go swimming.
Girl #2: Why not?
Girl #1: 'Cause it's raining. That'd be, like, double wet.
Girl #2: Oh.

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Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can't be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn't even have tits.
Perv #1: I'm not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.

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Girl: It's so nice out today. I love natural wind.

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Child: Mommy, how old are you?
Mother: I am forty.
Child: [counting on fingers] Jeez, Mommy, you're running out of numbers.

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Teen girl: Do sea lions swim?
Mom: No, they ride boats.

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Check out more stuff
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Reality Check - 2

If I visit the zoo and a little lamb came running towards me, I probably wouldn't be afraid at all because lambs are harmless. I might even reach out my hand and let the lamb lick it. But let's say I'm at the zoo and the alarm goes out that a lion has escaped from its cage. I'm standing there with my back to the wall and that lion comes running towards me, I'll sure be terrified because I know what lions can do. But just suppose that the runaway lion corners me and comes up to me - but instead of attacking me, it gently licks my hand the way the lamb did. If that happened whose gentleness would I appreciate more, the lamb's or the lion's?

Well, to put things in perspective, I am not that important if you judge me by my works and my talent and my abilities; and 100 or 200 or 500 years from now, no one will remember i even existed. Unless i am a Gandhi or a Hitler. Small and insignificant that i am, i am thankful i am spared, when i could have been destroyed. Grateful that i have been blessed, when my life was bad enough for me to be cursed.

What am i trying to get at here?

Well, for starters, its important to understand that we as humans are mighty insignificant, who lead delicate and fickle lives, as much as we might hate to admit it. The next earthquake, or the next tsunami or the next bout of road rage, or the next terrorist attack is all it can take to turn our lives, bundled with heaps of aspirations and dreams, into a cloud of smoke and a pile of nothingness.

To fully understand life and its significant trivialities, its important to look at the extremities that envelop our existence. Spend a day sitting on the benches outside the casualty ward of your local hospital and observe the patients as they are wheeled in from accidents and illnesses. Spend a day with a terminally ill patient who has realised that he only has a few months to live. Spend a day in your local slum, where the major worry every morning is whether the children will have food to eat for the day. Spend a day with the suffering and the sick and the hurt. Life is not about laughter and entertainment 24/7 even though the TV channels may want us to think so.

I am not an atheist, although i must admit i was one, at a point in my life when i was disillusioned with life. Brendan Manning puts it well when he says, 'The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.'

Waking up to reality was the toughest thing i have ever done, and the most significant thing i will ever do!

More to follow....

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