Tuesday, March 06, 2007

A cry in the wilderness?

The 'Association of the Unknowns' has organised a massive Protest Rally at the Very Big Stadium to protest against the discrimination of ordinary and unknown people from all over in everyday life.

With bright large banners full of vivid messages like "Know us now" and "Glory to someone" and "Attention is our warcry", members from the group announced their intentions at a road blockade outside the office of the city's top newspaper "Whines of the World". The road blockade was the last resort because their last 3 press conferences were attended by 1 journalist, and their story never made its way to the local press.

The group expressed dismay at the shabby treatment meted out to normal people by society as compared to famous people, and oppugned the basis for it. The group said that while issues and champions of sexual discrimination, racial discrimination, religious discrimination, regional discrimination have been highlighted, no one has raised their little finger by a millimetre towards the menace of ordinariness based discrimination.

It appears that the organisation is planning many activities to draw attention to their problems. Some of the issues they want to address at the rally relate to everyday life a few of which include (quoted from 'A proclamation of revolt')

  • The actions of famous people become a fashion statement. Consider burping. The style in which a famous person burps is imitated by people. Parents encourage their kids to burp in a similiar manner. Unknown people are frowned upon if they burp in a style that does not conform to any famous style. This hinders them from exhibiting their flair.
  • At traffic signals, beggars throw money on the celebrities as a show of their appreciation and love. Unknown people, on the other hand, are harassed by the same beggars and let go only if they part with some cash. The discrimination at traffic signals is the most appalling.
  • Celebs are paid to attend public functions, inauguration of business establishments, school day functions and given free snacks. Unknown people on the contrary, have to be given invites or have to pay to attend. Snacks also have to be paid for (sometimes).
  • When a famous person goes shirtless (or topless or even nude), its termed as either artistic or bold or sensual. When unknown people do the same, its termed as insane and vulgar.
  • While famous people can fart audibly in public, unknown souls have to be more cautious with the decibel level. Deplorably, double standards are employed here, causing the majority of the unknown people to suppress and let go quietly and hence powerfully for the odour to be strong enough to be used as a tranquiliser for wild elephants.
  • Famous people are mobbed for autographs and photographs wherever they go. Unknown people, have to pay photographers to click a routine picture at the Gateway of India. Autographs are sought only in banks.
A brochure aptly titled 'A proclamation of revolt' published for the rally, was released just on the road to commemorate the occasion. The brochure contains the philosophy, the mission statement and information about the various activities. Copies of the brochure are being forcefully distributed on the streets. As for future plans after the rally, the protestors said that they intend to march to the adjoining bhelpuri stalls at the rally grounds and help themselves.

In the ensuing conversation, the Chairman of the Association of the Unknowns asked, ' famous people are demi-gods, but cant non-famous people like me be treated atleast like semi-gods?'.

When it was pointed out that there is no term like semi-gods, he broke down. With tears in his eyes and a choked voice, he went on 'Can't you just accept that semi-god is a term, instead of casting doubts over me and my grasp of English and in the process looking down on me just because i'm not famous'.

Wiping away the tears, and gathering his wits, with a determined look in his eyes he asserted, 'i will do something about this. I will change things. I am sick and tired of being the victim all the time. Its time for change. Yes, I will become famous'.

When asked as to how he plans to become famous, he revealed plans to organise more protest rallies and all night vigils to raise awareness about the issue. Now guys, be good and spread the message! Else he will start crying again and it will be all your fault! Yes, you, the reader!


Sundancer said...

Wiping tears from my own eyes!
That was hilarious. Truly terrific post Jason. And yes, I will pass on the message, spread the word with evangelistic zeal. After all, I myself am a certified member of the Association of the Unknowns, I can feel the pain.

Monday's Child said...

I knowwwww... I felt soo bad for dear Mister Chairman. He deserves his fame I think. Please send me a copy of the "A proclamation of revolt" hehehe It sounds like a truly fascinating read... my absolute favorite line: "Unknown people are frowned upon if they burp in a style that does not conform to any famous style. This hinders them from exhibiting their flair."

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