Air Deccan rocks and shocks!

Keegan sent in an email forwarded to him - This is hilarious. Appears to be fictitious but a great read anyway. Air Deccan has been the subject of many a rant. (1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8)

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Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain PATEL welcoming
both seated and standing passengers on board of Air Deccan.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad
weather and partly due to the search for a missing tyre.

This is flight 717 to Mumbai. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we
will End up somewhere in India. And, if luck is in our favor, we may
even be landing on your village!

Air Deccan has an excellent safety-record. In fact, our safety standards
are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with
pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our
Passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant and
memorable, we serve Complimentary DHARU and Wada pavw. For our
not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you
find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown
as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie
buffs, we will be flying right next to Kingfisher Airline, where their
movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
Cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as
possible. For the best view , if however, we go a little too close, do
let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the
landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and
fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt,
kindly Fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of
you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a
stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase.