The Wedding In March

The wedding is due to take place in the exotic Carribean Islands over a period of 16 days in March. The bride has many suitors. But we have our personal favourite. Mr Indian Cricket Team.

Mr Indian Cricket Team is getting ready for the challenge of wooing the bride amidst so many others who will look to do the same this March.

All the relatives and neighbours, just about everyone wants to have a say on how Mr Indian Cricket Team must prepare.

There are two categories of people who have decided to appoint themselves as official advisors to Mr Indian Cricket Team. Those who know him and those who dont.

They believe that Mr Indian Cricket Team will falter miserably at his attempts to win the bride over, if he does not heed their advice. Suggestions, advice, criticism and opinions float everywhere.

Most people giving advice have never even come close to getting involved with a bride of this sort. However, boldened by pseudo-self confidence and concern for Mr Indian Cricket Team, they are not letting their inexperience with this sort of thing block the rivers of advice they have and are freely showering it! They are never ever confused and never ever in a predicament. Their confidence stems from the innumerable times they have analyzed past attempts to woo similiar brides by Mr. Indian Cricket Team.

Indian Cricket Team!! Wonder what he feels like!! He knows that if he wins the bride over, everyone in his hometown will rejoice, give him cash and gifts and advertising contracts and name streets after him. If he loses, they will throw stones at his house, draw their knives and chase him down the same streets!!

Mr Indian Cricket Team has been well fed and so well cared for. He has been fussed over, and countless hours have been spent in discussing what's best for him. A small fall here and a scratch there and all hearts are in the mouth.

So Mr. Indian Cricket Team , you hen pecked son of a million mothers, we wish you well!!

Here is a picture of the bride



FANTASY ERASER RULE -> Even though the amount of fussing over and debate is directly proportional to hype-without-substance factor and hence directly proportional to sales of products endorsed by Mr Indian Cricket Team, it has no relation to, direct or indirect, inverse or perverse, to the performance of Mr Indian Cricket Team at the wedding.

This rule is also called the 'Reality-bit-my-butt-off Rule'.

Happy :)

Yeahhhhh.........

Anthony Yeh has won MTV Roadies 4.

Now, if only Carol Gracias can win Bigg Boss and Gonzales beats Federer tomorrow i will be triple happy :))

Also, if New Zealand or England beat Australia in atleast one match in the tri-series down under, just one match, pleeeeeeeeeese, i will be ecstatic :)

wishing you Merry Elections and a Happy New Term

"This Government was committed to the welfare of the people and had a long-term vision for the progress and development of the state."
- Pratapsingh Rane, Chief Minister of Goa.

Wow! Thank you!
I bet you have cleared some cobwebs from the minds of the people of Goa, Mr Chief Minister, with that stupendous and bold statement underlining the significance of your Government's concern for Goa.

Anyways, you dear reader, relax. Ok here is the juice - the Assembly elections in Goa will be held in May. And you know elections are round the corner when politicians suddenly begin to suck up to the average person who has been very conveniently taken for a ride all the while.

There are many symptoms of impending elections. Just like how you can tell its Christmas time in Goa, when you see the shops full of decorations, Christmas trees, stars, and discounts, and posters and newspapers advertising X'mas Balls(Dances, so to speak); you can tell its election time in Goa when

-> Posters and banners are shored up on every nook and corner for festivals (be it Id or Diwali or Christmas or Holi or whatever) with the greetings on one half of the banner, and a smiling face on the other. Sonia Gandhi sometimes peeps out from the bigger banners as does some others. You know the smiling face is a candidate for the next elections who suddenly has a adrenalin rush on the festival day and runs to wish whichever living creature he can find, a happy festival.

-> Statements of the politicians falling into either of the below two categories consistently adorn the front pages of the local dailies
Category One : highlighting their achievements, and emphasizing the importance of their 'long-term' plans. Rome was not built in a day. They tell us 'You want to see progress, you must vote us back again, because we have started all the good works but they take time to complete so be good kids and vote us back and we promise you blah-blah-blah'
Category Two : allegations. if ever they are cornered, and their no-performance report cards brandished before them, statements like 'we did better than the other party', 'they are corrupt', and 'they have no plans for Goa but we do' emerge.

-> You are in the market square or in any public place, and unknown people smile at you and ask you how you are doing. Your guess is as good as mine! They are candidates for the elections or someone close to them is!

-> Birthdays become big celebrations with all night parties, free booze, large pandals, and live music, and full page advertisements highlighting the good qualities of the birthday boy/girl. Every Tom, Dick and Harry (read birthday boy/girl PR department) releases an advertisement congratulating the birthday boy/girl in the local dailies. Local dailies make hay when the sun shines. After all, itna advertising revenue baar baar kahaan milta hai?

-> You go to any wedding function or birthday party or any public gathering and you spot a politician there, willing to do anything from raising the toast, to cutting a ribbon with his/her teeth (because they forgot the scissor!) to getting you a glass of wine from the bar provided you let him/her do the talking.

-> The roads get a fresh coat of tar, and public buildings a fresh coat of paint. Footpaths that had come undone for years, get patched up and water and power supply is uninterrupted, for a change.

-> Election Rallies are held and people from every conceivable part of the state are given a free bus ride to the rally. Each person attending the rally is given some money to compensate for the loss of income they suffer when they abandon work to listen to 25 speeches at the rally instead.

Ok.. Now here is a quiz question.

Which five words in the Oxford English Dictionary are the most spoken words in the run up to the elections in Goa?

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Ok here's the answer (not in any order)

1) Progress
2) Corruption
3) Secularism
4) Development
5) Communalism


Nah, you did not get that one. I give you one more shot. Here is another chance - question two

According to Goa's politicians, what is the truest sign of progress and development?

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ok.. dont scroll down as much. The answer is here..
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Whenever every piece of land (open space) available is grabbed and sold to the construction lobby, and when buildings emerge from everywhere except the potty hole in the toilet, that, my friend, is what they call progress and development.

There was a Save Goa campaign to save Goa from the clutches of the Regional Plan 2011. (click here to know how Goa was being raped and auctioned off) Today, this plan was de-notified with retrospective effect. All this after a very extensive campaign of protest from the public in Goa.

And you thought buying property in Goa meant green fields, fresh air, golden sands and the sea!!! You never know dude, the landscape is changing here.

'ratists', not racists and breathlessness woes

On NDTV, there was a debate about Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty refusing to kiss each other, or what was it actually about? No seriously, i had no idea. The issue was racism(or was it reality TV!), but what exactly about it?

There was a bummer of a guy in Meghnad Dessai who said "Big Brother is a third-rate programme watched by third-rate people" and the issue is just a trivial one. So no racism but maybe 'ratism'? I wonder what is my rate!! No, not that way you fool. I mean the way Meghnad, the ratist and not the racist, sees it. 1st rate, 2nd rate, 3rd rate, 4th rate, 7th rate, 21st rate, 261st rate?

Farrukh Dhondy was brought in and he was even more of a bummer. Steven Kapoor a.k.a. Apache Indian did say things that must have pleased Barkha for the sake of debate and TRPs. Some guy from Sony gave ample evidence of what kind of duffers are brought on camera when he praised reality TV for uncovering the issue and bringing it to the fore. Yeah, we even had a clip of roadies shown on the programme.

Picture this. A simpleton. His head is held by this strong guy with powerful hands who bends him over a bucket of water(stinky filthy water) and forces his head into the bucket until he is gasping for air and cant take it anymore. He keeps doing it whenever he feels. He continues untill the poor simpleton cant take it anymore. The reason the simpleton is not suffocated to death and kept alive is so that the torture can be prolonged and vicious for the sadistic big guy.

Now this. The strong guy is the media. The simpleton represents the very gullible people like you and me. The bucket of filthy stinking **** are the issues we are regularly bathed in. Again and again and again. Till we cant take it anymore.

Ok. Enough. Before i drown in the sea of racism or reality TV or Ganguly's 98 or some wedding plans ......

A couple of new blogs for me

Have begun two new blogs lately

the first one will have a music video with lyrics from Contemporary Christian Music artists and i will post one song per day (LINK)

the other is more of a collaborative effort with others to chronicle the sporting achievements of Goans in the international arena (LINK)

We will get back to you as soon as possible

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The last e-mail Stephen Bennett's (Who is he - Read link1, link2, link3)
sister Amanda wrote to the Mumbai police on January
7, 2007:
Please inform about your investigation re. STEPHEN BENNETT. Who can I
meet with from your police force? Are you investigating activity at
Baga beach? Will you bother to reply? Am I really so unimportant? What
about your charter and mission statement are they rubbish? Are your
words hollow? You should care about this crime and put resources into
the investigation. Please be responsible with your words to the press,
my brother  WAS NOT a drug addict, nor did he have AIDS. Your officers
are talking rubbish to the press. Why do you allow this to happen?
What are you doing to find the men who have absconded? Why haven't you
published their pictures in your media? It appears that no effort is
being made to solve this crime.

Thanks Amanda
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However, all the mails written by Amanda to the Mumbai police have only received
an automated reply:
Mumbai Police (complaints@mumbaipolice.org) wrote:
Hello,

Thank you for your query. We will get back to you as soon as possible.

Regards,
Mumbai Police

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I am trying to figure out if its a little better than the BSNL phone slogan
"Iss shetr ki sabhi linein vyast hai. Kripya thodi dher baad prayatn karein"
(All lines on this route are busy. Please try after some time.)

Hindi movies are not the only place where the police arrives after the action is over.

I am an Internet Moron

When i was in the 3rd standard, i would religiously read 2 newspapers a day. Both were local dailies, Navhind Times and O' Heraldo. As i got on i began reading upto 6 or more newspapers a day, 3 of which were bought at home and the others were caught up with in the college library. Gomantak Times, Hindustan Times, The Times Of India, Indian Express, Mid-day and the Asian Age were the favourites. I was interested in whats going on around me and i made it my business to catch up on stuff. When I had stuff to research for academic projects, i would pour through books for hours in Panjim's Central Library (View building picture) Part of the fun was locating the information. The effort and time involved in locating the information was directly proportional to the obscurity of the subject to be researched. Accidentally stumbling over a book of your interest was another highlight. I remember reading cricket books for hours when i had to be completing my biology assignment.

I devoured every thing i got. And i relished it. Whatever came my way.

Now, in the internet age, i devour only what i want. With the internet, i dont devour everything i get because its impossible to absorb it all. The internet is like having a 14 course buffet for lunch and dinner, every single day. And if you are someone who hasn't experienced a 3-course meal your whole life, and a blind gobbler of whatever is put in your plate, the choices can be stupefying. The importance and value of the food is lost because it is so freely available. We have so much choice unlike a decade ago when we had no option but to eat whats in our plate.

Now its simple and available at the click of a button about two feet away from my bed. I can read the local dailies of not just Goa but every country in the world. Which is why i believe i am becoming an Internet Moron. I learn, research and know only what i want to learn, research and know. I am not sure if it augurs well for me.

Thanks for the entertainment!!

I woke up at 5 am. I had to watch Justin Langer, Shane Warne and Glenn McGrath in Test cricket for the last time.

Although I do not support the Aussies (i always support the underdogs and the Aussies are anything but underdogs in world cricket) and I craved for a late resurgence from England, hoping they would show some fight in their belly and give the Australians a run for their money in the last Test, it was not to be and the 10 wicket victory set up the stage for the last hurrah of the three outgoing players and their coach John Buchanan.

Not to forget Damien Martyn. An unsung hero whenever he played and also when he bowed out.

You guys rocked! Thanks for the entertainment!

Animals lurking everywhere!

Yesterday Sakshi Juneja linked to a story in Midday I subscribe to her blog in Google Reader (my means of contact with the blogosphere) but i did not check the link in Midday assuming Sakshi pasted the whole article. When Amit Varma linked to the same story and it popped up in Google Reader, I checked the Midday link and the video link on CNN IBN.

I am appalled at the story. The whole thing reminded me of a scene i had come across on TV as a child and one that has remained etched in my mind ever since. In the tribal belt of North East India, a dog was tied to a tree and maimed and eventually subjected to a slow torturous death by being speared by about 20 men at the same time, each one holding a pole having a sharp knife at its end. This was documented on "Heads and Tails", a programme anchored by Maneka Gandhi that highlighted cruelty towards animals.

Disgusting is not the word that can be used to describe the behaviour of the people that day. They were not party animals, but animals.

Question is, whats the solution? When will the Indian male understand that every girl who wears a miniskirt is not asking for sex. That every girl who ventures into a male bastion is not loose in morals and will not sleep around if coerced. That a girl going out at night is as normal as a guy going out. That a NO means a NO. Even though it may not be worth raving about, i recall more than one instance of my friends telling other female friends to keep away from crowded places. Call us prudish or whatever, but with animals lurking around, its always better to be safe than sorry.

This thing escapes me. My small mind cannot comprehend the logic behind the incident. I wonder what those groping perverts were thinking? I have thought long and hard on the subject of party hooliganism. Most times, drunken revelry and misbehaviour gets approved on the grounds that the person is under the influence of alcohol. I dont drink alcohol, have never been drunk, and hence probably do not understand how people can resort to outrageous behaviour after fuddling. I just hope tomorrow, they dont begin to approve behaviour of this kind by saying the atmosphere was charged up with raging hormones.

I think its time to tackle the issue head on and call for a larger debate on what factors provoke this kind of sadistic behaviour. Is the Indian male so repressed in his sexuality that he is willing to give vent anywhere and everywhere without even the slightest provocation? We are a funny bunch of people. We are the champions of morality, we drive couples out of parks, we dont like the idea of sex education in schools, we dont like Valentine's Day celebrations, and we protest vehemently when artists and authors use sexuality to express their creativity.

We also need to realise our population is growing beyond expectations and in biology we learnt that a birth can happen only if a man and woman have sex(and you thought they dont have sex in India, he he). We are comfortable watching Rakhi Sawant's dances on cable networks in our living rooms but raise a hue and cry when she dances on stage in Kolhapur. We have problems if a kiss scene is depicted in a Bollywood movie but have absolutely no issues when adult movies that show much more than kissing are shown in smaller towns in cinema theatres at cheap rates. Hypocrisy is our middle name. I am beginning to wonder if it is this kind of hypocrisy that leads Indian men to believe that any single woman who is alone can be groped. Our movies depict women in clothes that are very uncommon on Indian streets. Probably it is this disparity coupled with the lack of undeerstanding that drives the libidos of Indian men.

I am not buying much into the police investigation. The role of the police is not worth wasting Google's server space on and not worth your time if you are reading this.

When I began this blog, i posted a lot of articles written by others which i wanted to archive in one place for my future reference. My hard disk was not as reliable as Google's servers and so i figured out blogspot.com is what i wanted. The initial purpose of the blog has switched though. Its gradually becoming my space on the web where i am posting my thoughts on issues that matter to me. Lately though, i have been venting my feelings through a series of posts which are appropriately cloaked in humour and satire. Although humour and satire are admirable masks, i do not think they take away the existence and seriousness of the core issue.

Some issues however are too disturbing to come under my humourous or satirical scanner. This is one of them. Sorry if you were expecting something funny. Sometimes its hard to be funny.

Delhi fog -> the terrorists are suspected

India's top security agencies said they had found traces of evidence indicating that foreign terrorists were behind the dense fog that has currently engulfed India's capital city.

Dense fog has made life difficult for Delhi residents in the past few days. Flights have been delayed, many of them cancelled and schedules disrupted beyond repair. Train schedules have suffered the same fate.

The Intelligence wing which was assigned the task of cracking the "Fog Clog" case, have blamed the terrorists for the fog. In an exclusive interview, one of the top honchos in the investigating agency has claimed that terrorists have resorted to this new tactic as it involves less effort in planning and execution and also less noise pollution, as compared to the bombs method. This assertion points to the growing love of the environment among the terrorist community.

The frustration of air passengers at the airports was on full show. While the electronic media made merry by filling in airtime with lots of advertisements in hour long programmes on the fog, passengers were encouraged to pour out their wrath on camera to increase the TRPs and subsequent advertising revenues. A majority of the passengers exercised calm and as of now, only two cans of coke have been smashed at the airport restaurant. Security agencies have taken the task of coating all the breakable items at the airport with rubber to prevent further loss.

Surveys and SMS polls indicate that 58% of the passengers blamed the government and its economic policies for the fog. One woman claimed the person manning the Air Deccan counter is responsible for the fog as she saw him behaving in a suspicious manner. Investigating agencies are probing whether airlines management and staff are hand in glove with the terrorists.