New Year 2007 brouhaha

Will dancing the night away on 31st December make 2007 a better year?
Will making merry on 31st December make the world more peaceful?
Will there be a hangover on the 1st day of 2007 because of the rigorous partying the night before?

Forget the world! Will my going out and partying make me any better or make my life any meaningful or make me feel good? I doubt!!

The way they advertise the New Year in Goa, you cant help but feel January 1st 2007 has been the day the world has longed for!

Will war cease? Will communal tensions decrease? Will something startling happen?
Maybe we should wait and watch.

As for me, i will spend my time with those who mean a lot to me! That makes me feel good!!

Saddam Hussein hanged

I dont know what to make of this! I dont think i am that righteous a person to decide whether Saddam should die or not. Who am i to say someone should die? Who am i to judge and condemn? I am a nobody. Was born as a nobody and no matter how much i achieve and how famous and rich i get, someday when i die, maybe 10 years or 100 years or 500 years down the line, i will be a nobody. No one will remember i existed. Sad, i know, but thats the truth.

Saddam Hussein is dead.

Christmas all the way

Merry Christmas...
Teri Christmas...
Sabki Christmas...

if ..... if only we could focus on the reason behind it all !!!!

the Thali chronicles!!

Ok. I admit it. I cant even finish eating a proper thali.

Every time I tried to finish a thali in the past, i failed. I always told myself that i had eaten something prior to the meal which is why i could not finish it. I dont think that was true, but soothing my bruised ego (when all others at the table gobble everything and you cannot finish half of whats poured in your plate) is important. Excuses, nonetheless, but still, i have always nurtured hope in my heart and dreams in my head of finishing a thali someday.

Yesterday i was confident. I had a cup of tea in the afternoon at around 3.00 which was my lunch and ice cream at about 8.00 in the evening(not exactly dessert). We were at this place called Navtara in the heart of Panjim and hunger was at its peak. We were there at about 10.30 in the evening(night maybe) and inspite of the conditions being so conducive to finishing my first ever thali, i could not.

I guess its just not my meal. For those of you have no idea what a thali is, well, its a meal that never ends. Its got little portions of vegetables, curd, rice, pickles, and what have you and it just is really hard to finish if you are me. The little portions look like copious amounts to me(maybe only to me). There is no fixed procedure or plan of attack, and i thank God, the thali originated in India. I cannot even begin to imagine the intricacies that would have defined the proper eating method if the thali was a British dish. If you are new to the thali, it can be mighty confusing, i tell you. Here is what a typical North Indian thali looks like.

One thing i learnt yesterday. If a little dal accidentally falls into your curd bowl, you dont worry. You consume both, the dal and the curd, anyway. The logic behind the reasoning is that the dal and the curd will get mixed in your stomach after you have had it, so whats the big deal if its gets mixed before?

I would have been the last of the group to finish(We were 11 including little Azrael). Honestly, i was lagging behind, so i gave up midway. If i was gonna wrestle with my plate, it would be a long, tough and time-consuming duel, and i thought finishing last would be silly when you have 5 Australians in the gang who have done a better job with the thali than you have.

I think i wasted a lot of time in thinking what to eat. I mean the array of choices you have is mindboggling, and deciding what curry and vegetable dish i must dip my pieces of roti in took a lot of time. I know its a lame excuse.

Maybe i might give it another shot sometime not so soon.

Dealing with female homosapiens - Ten guidelines

Is it fair for guys to just walk by without even looking at the pretty little girl on the street or wherever, and thereby portray indifference - ignore the existence of someone with a higher BMQ (beauty and make-up quotient)? A similiar question albeit in a different vein. Is it fair to not read the mind of your client/boss and deliver exactly what he/she needs?

The answer to both questions - A resounding NO

Here are 10 guidelines to deal with the female homosapiens (BMQ level is irrelevant) .

1) If she is spotted at a public place, acknowledge her presence by looking at her for the exact amount of time thats appropriate without ignoring or staring (between 2775.06 to 6225.94 milliseconds).

2) If she makes conversation with you, you must feign interest in what she is saying. Agree with all she says, even if she believes the alien in Koi Mil Gaya is hotter than Preity Zinta. If she hates cricket, you better hate it too.

3) When she talks, listen. Because there is a possibility and a very strong one, that she might ask you a question related to the topic. Remember the chastising you got from teachers in school when they posed you questions in the middle of lectures you would sleep through and your subsequent fumbling for answers. The consequences of loss of interest in this case can be far worse.

4) If she decides to subject you to one of her monotonous monologues on topics close to her heart but far from yours, make sure you interject with sounds that convey your approval. Something like "ya" and "oh" and "oh yeah". Just make sure its does not sound like you are constipated or you are at some dirty thing that cannot be mentioned here.

5) If she asks you for your opinion about her blog, tell her she writes great. Her language and her mastery on topics of international significance are admirable. If she puts pictures of herself on her blog, tell her she looks wow in them.

6) If she asks you to write her a testimonial on Orkut, tell her you would love to but you cant because your 'write testimonial' option was deleted by Orkut administrators when you wrote a testimonial for a friend in which you implied Orkut Büyükkökten was mentally retarded.

7) If she is walking, just make sure you clear everything out of her way, to properly conform to the International Institute of Chivalry Standards. That includes opening doors, windows or whatever. Also, make sure you let her walk ahead of you and still hop in the way regularly to clear the path for her whenever she encounters an obstacle whether its a table or a pebble.

8) If she is out at a meal, you must pay. I insist that you must pay. The reason men work is because they can then have the privilege of picking up the tab. So i repeat again, you must pay.

9) If she calls you in the middle of the night, and asks you if you were sleeping, say NO. Tell her you were preparing breakfast or watching Star Plus. Your choice. Chances are good that she will be okay with both.

10) If she asks you to go shopping with her, tell her you would love to come with her to carry the bags and pay for things when she runs out of cash and all, but you cannot because you are having severe constipation problems. Chances are bright she will look for someone else to help her with the bags.

Guys, if you do not adhere to the guidelines, remember this. She has plenty of guy friends to choose from. Indian dating sites have 776 guys for every girl. Whoever said the sex ratio was 976 females per 1000 males was a dreamer. Besides, she has a blog where she discusses the latest parties she went to with regular pictures of her and she has an Orkut account with 6 testimonials that vouch for her hotness and smartness and the complete package she resembles.

As Bill Gates said, "Life is not fair, get on with it." Bill learnt it the hard way perhaps.


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P.S.
By the way, guys, take this with a pinch of salt.
And girls, uh-oh, ahemmm... burrrpp... take this with a bucket of salt.

"Hows U" scrap on Orkut kills one

"Hows U" -> It is the worst possible scrap you can get on Orkut. I get it too.

So you reply "i'm doing good".

And then to get back at the person who sent that 5 letter scrap that wasted your 300 seconds, you write on his/her scrapbook "Hows u doin?"

And then the resulting scrap is not an answer that ends the formalities normally reserved for formal parties/gatherings/weddings among 50+ year olds with big reputations and even bigger paunches. Its a question again.
"Hows things n all?"

It gets to you. Things are good. I am good too :) . Osama Bin Laden is good. So is George Bush. Our doodhwala is good. And so are all his cows. The Indian cricket team is good too. Seriously. To summarise briefly, things are good and all are good. So things and all are good. Hope you got it. So you reply, as lucidly as you possibly can, fearing any extra words may create more questions in his/her inquisitive mind (you wonder whether your not asking any questions would imply that you are impolite, but you expect the other person to get the cue that you are busy at the moment)
"Good."

The next thing that happens - Another scrap. No problem. Another scrap question. Big problem. What question
"Great. Hows work"

So u reply
"I died. Came back alive for a brief moment just to tell you that i am dead and i will no longer be answering any more questions. Sorry. No condolence scraps. I warn you. If there are any, i will haunt you all your life, and worse still i will delete your Orkut account. Bye."

Raju's father

Raju was at school one morning in the outskirts and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, Fireman, Policeman, Salesman, Businessman, Captain of Industry etc, but Raju was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."

The teacher quickly gave the other children some work and took little Raju aside to ask him if that was really true.

"Oh no" said Raju, "He plays cricket for India but I was just too embarrassed to say that."

Farce?

It wasn't my fault.
I was just born.
It wasn't an achievement either.

I have never done anything to be born,
not never aware of what went on
I could not choose the date
nor the time nor the place
and still, i was born.

And then they came.
I was given a name, an identity, a language, a religion.
They said i belonged to this caste and that subcaste.
They said i should kill.

They said I must kill the others because they are not like me.
Not of my caste, not my of subcaste,
not of my religion, or my hometown.
They are dirty like pigs they said.
But they were humans.

And I obeyed them. I killed whomever I was told.

Now I see death staring into my face.
A moment and this life will pass.
Cant take anything or anyone with me.
Sad, but is there hope?
Is there something more
that i do not know?
Or is life too, yet another farce??

WHAT WILL MATTER - Michael Josephson

Juliet D'Souza sent this piece by Michael Josephson to Goanet and I loved it
and thought I should post it here for all.

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WHAT WILL MATTER - Michael Josephson

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will
pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally
disappear.

So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you
lived on at the end.

It won't matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant. Even your
gender and skin color will be irrelevant.


So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you built, not what
you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or
sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your
example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will
feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in
those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for
what.

Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident. It's not a
matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

Dinesh Karthik - Great going!!

India has just won their first ever 20-20 match. Dinesh Karthik has been adjudged the man of the match for scoring a 28-ball 31, with the other contenders for the award being Zaheer Khan who equaled the record for the best economy rate for a 4-over spell in 20-20 Cricket, Virender Sehwag with a 29-ball knock of 34 and Dinesh Mongia with a 38-ball knock of 45 runs.

Dinesh Karthik deserves the award. Being thrusted into a batting lineup as a specialist batsman over other more accomplished batsmen, with bouncy pitches and the South African quicks for company, is not really the kind of introduction a wicketkeeper would hope for. Add to that, the weight of expectations to deliver runs. Add to that, the pressure to succeed in a team of fringe players all competing to impress a whimsical coach hellbent on needless experimentation. All vying to book a place in a dismembered side.

Karthik has stood up to the challenge admirably. He has no qualms of throwing himself around on the outfield and firing throws back to the centre from the outfield. He has walked out to bat when India were 17/3 and 38/3 in the two ODIs he has been involved in on the current tour so far. On both occasions he has fought. Fought hard. And come up with knocks of 14 from 23 balls and 17 from 38 balls. They haven't been match winning knocks, but they are a testimony to the fight in his belly. Playing at a time when Mahendra Singh Dhoni is the numero uno wicketkeeper, can be demoralising for an aspiring wicketkeeper batsman, because displacing Dhoni from the top pedestal is no easy task.

Karthik has shown resolve and application seen only among an elite few on the current tour. Lets hope others pick up the cues. Lets also hope he bats at No 5 and gets some good knocks. Knocks that will hit those who show lack of application at the crease pretty hard. Knocks that will motivate the others to pull up their socks and get down to business.

Lets also hope the rain gods dont intervene. Hope Greg Chappell wont intervene much either with some experimental move yet again. Makhaya Ntini, you too, please dont intervene, and tell the others in your team too.


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The guys at CricInfo are giving us the inside news of why Sehwag was dropped from the vice captain's post. They also are the experts on the Ganguly recall. I have a strong feeling they have been watching some saas-bahu serials or taking tips from Ekta Kapoor on how to sustain interest in dead and lost causes.

Take a chill pill! As a fan, I care a diddlysquat for who has the vice captaincy and who is in the playing eleven as long as India wins. Its only when the team is going through a bad patch that imaginative theories about dressing room conspiracies are ideated.

These theories will go to the garbage pin once India starts winning.

As John Wright quotes a South African administrator in Indian Summers, 'In India when you do well in cricket, they name a street after you. And when you dont do well, they will chase you down the same street." Ask Mohammad Kaif!

The message is clear - WIN AND ALL THE GARBLE WILL CEASE!

Rate My Life - Results

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8.3
Mind:	7.9
Body:	8.2
Spirit:	8.3
Friends/Family:	5.3
Love:	5.7
Finance:	6.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

This was taken today - 1st Dec, 2006.

And here are the results of one i took on Mar 30, 2006.

I say not much has changed, or has it?

The MLM Marketing onslaught !!

I received a phone call this Tuesday from some person who said he wanted to meet me. He said he got my number from another friend. I was not too keen, but I agreed to see him for 10 minutes outside my house. When he came, he insisted we go in and talk, to which I told him, bluntly indeed, that its not possible. He then said he wanted to spend half an hour with me, to explain his 'business project', and he wanted to meet me at my house because that would, in his own words 'minimize distractions'. I gave him a date and time.

I met him today. I had an idea what to expect. I was hoping it would be something different. It was not. I did not know I would be dead right. Throughout the course of conversation, he kept buying time by talking of issues that were in no way relevant to the matter or his 'business project'.

These network marketeers need to rework their strategy. Its become so predictable. And pathetic. I have a feeling they have a reference book, from where they are taught how to entice people into their 'business project'. The lessons in the book go somewhat like what follows.

Suppose you want to convince Mr A.

1) Try to talk about uncertainty. Talk of 9/11. And of stress and heart disease being so common in this hectic world. Tell A thats its always better to have a big bank balance, because you never know what can happen. People die tragic deaths, some die to disease and some to plain bad fortune. If A is not convinced, talk about the risk to A's loved ones. Conclude that money is the key. You need to have it.

(The way they put it, you begin to think, money can actually buy a few more years to live as well)

2) Talk bullshit. Frequently say terms like 'profit', 'net profit', 'passive income', 'millionaires'. Do some rough calculations very fast and arrive at a figure like 3 lakhs a month. Tell A this is the average he/she can earn in 1/2/3/5 years depending on the efforts and time that A wants to invest in the 'business project'. This should make A interested. If he/she is not interested at this point, you have almost lost the battle.

3) Dont tell the name of the company or any details of the business project till the last minute. Never give it out even if pressurised. Thats the key. If A presses for details, tell him/her to read some books and some tapes to get a clearer picture. information about the company and revelation of details of the project are directly proportional to the desire and gullibility of A. The more greedy and convinced A seems, the more details are shared.

4) Remember to explain a few key things
a) All you need is a dream. No experience and no qualifications.
b) Passive income -> Bole toh "no kaam, only income. Aur aaraam".
c) Flexible timing

5) If A says he/she is not interested, tell him/her at first even you were in the same boat. You took 1 year to get convinced. Maybe more. Maybe less. Just make sure you convince A that he/she can delay as long as he/she joins. Talk about the 3 month trial offer and how there is nothing to lose. Talk of more books and more tapes and more conferences and more meetings that are "LIFE-CHANGING". Give some imaginative story of a person B who makes X lakhs a months and B is the same age as A and in the same profession too :))

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How did I stave off the onslaught?

I wanted to be as polite as I can be. I must confess I was point-blank in my disapproval, which is not very characteristic of me. I usually beat around the bush for a while, expecting the other person to pick up the cues. That did not happen this time around.

I told him I have no time. He was not convinced, and when into details of how each one can make time. Reason one did not work the way I expected. Unable to get my point across, I went to the second reason, the-i-suck-at-convincing-people reason. So I dont expect to make much headway in his 'business project' because people do not buy my side of the story. Wrong shot, again. After hearing him out, I took him head-on. I told him I know about his Corporation and I read all about it here.

That put him off track. He was stumped(thankfully). He was not finished yet. He wanted some references. I told him I have none. He insisted and it was quiet for about 2 minutes, when I realised its better to give some references and do away with this because he would not leave without them. So I fiddled with my phone and I gave him two numbers (sorry Rodley, sorry Maria).

He left. After 45 mins and 2 scribbled pages of my notebook, I had staved it off. Phew!

Balcao gossip and the need for more people to join in

Why are neighbours so curious?

I have no idea why they are so interested in what's going on in their neighbour, Mr/Ms ABC's life. ABC does not even bother to glance in their direction if he/she were to pass them by, but their interest in ABC never diminishes. If they had to put their curiosity and interest in the right place and in the right things, perhaps, they would have helped the cause of science with some pathbreaking discovery or invention. They would have ranked up there with Einstein and Newton and Edison. But alas! while Einstein focussed on relativity and Newton on gravity, their focus is gibberish. Anyways, much to the chagrin of ABC, and probably loss to science and mankind, their specialised area of interest and study is ABC's life and works. Dont lose heart, you can be the topic of their interest too. You only have to live in their neighbourhood! Thats all it takes to arouse their attention.

Would any of you be interested in sharing the responsibilities of neighbours ? Read on for more details

COMPANY PROFILE

Goa has a tradition of 'Balcao' gossipping. The Balcao is the front porch in most Goan houses with cemented seats where neighbours congregate in the evening to discuss news and views and reviews on whats happening in the 'vaddo'(ward or street) and world. Conversation varies from Saddam Hussein to the present government and Salazar to the antics of the neighbouring wench who has been inviting the 'poder' (the man who sells bread house to house on his cycle) over for a cup of tea every morning as soon as he finishes with his rounds and hubby dearest has left for work and so on. Local affairs are discussed in more detail. World and national and state issues rank a very poor second when compared to local chinwag.

Speculations are rife, and rumours abound everywhere. Hearsay attains a lot of prominence. No one sees anything wrong in propagating a complete falsehood just for the sake of extra spice. Stories have all the elements, emotions and twists of TV soap operas. When the church bells toll at 7 in the evening, all move to their homes for Angelus, so the session is abandoned for the day to be resumed tomorrow, but not with everyone going home entertained, wisened and happy.

In recent times, Balcao gabfests do not occur with the same frequency and enthusiasm as maybe 10 years earlier. Not because of disinterest, but more because of lack of time. Most people have jobs to attend to, and children to look after. Those lucky enough, and devoid of other chores, happily engage and practice their story telling and listening skills. On the panel of these rather comprehensive discussion board (gossip balcao) are some distinguished and elderly ladies, and a few younger ones being groomed to take on the mantle of head panelists once the older ones fade away.

To keep up the tradition there is a need of young people (ideally female) to carry on the responsibities of balcao gossipping.

ELIGIBILITY CRITERIA

You need to have the following

1) Time - Lots of it. More than that, you should not have hobbies or interests that you can devote your extra time too. This way, the gossipping balcao group will not feel threatened that you may want to jump to something else sometime later as attrition sets in.

2) Curiosity - You must be born with it. Importantly, you must be curious about people, relationships, work and issues relevant to the topics of discussion, and strive to keep topics hotter and in vogue. Each time you unearth something, it will be your responsibility to organise a gabfest.

3) Garrulous - You must be blessed with the gift of the gab, demonstrating both flattery to induce people to part with their secrets and a scheming and conniving mind. It is tricky, but whoever said practice makes a man/woman perfect, was right and practice is what will help you get it right.

4) Imaginative - A fertile mind, exploring always the possibility of adding spice to make a hot topic even hotter and lip-smacking. Your ingenuity must be top notch if you aspire to become a head panelist someday.

Any takers?

Play it safe!!!

Doing 69 with your customers

Kya aapne apne grahakon ke saath 69 kiya hai? (Have you done the 69 with your customers?)

KTC -> Believe it or not

This is again about the Kadamba Transport Corporation shuttle buses and their stupefying conundrums.

->When there are passengers in the queue, there is no bus.

->When there is a bus, there are no passengers in the queue.

->When there are about 100 passengers in the queue to Panaji, and none in the Margao queue, the only bus present goes to Margao.

->When there are about 100 passengers in the queue to Margao, and none in the Panaji queue, the only bus present goes to Panaji.

->When there are passengers and buses both present, (sometimes and rarely there are times when) there are no drivers.

First breakdown .. boy!! am i excited or what?

Today was D-day.

After travelling to Vasco from Panaji and back daily for close to 4 months now, i had the experience of my first bus breakdown. After watching other buses conk out midway through the journey, today was our day. It was imminent.

Word of appreciation for the guys at KTC - we were in the new bus in 20 minutes of the breakdown.

Previous posts on KTC
1) My Chronicles with KTC - 1
2) Synchronised Sleeping

Conversation pointers..

A few tips to good conversation on The Positivity Blog

1) Listen well
2) Dont hog the spotlight
3) Dont fight to be right
4) Reciprocate

More tips and the full article here.

For the foodies!

Here is something that might motivate you to apply for work at Google.

An employee at Google has taken photos of his food plate at Google for sometime now. For the benefit of those who are curious to know what they need to eat to write those search algorithms, also for some foodies who hate seeing pictures of cooked food because the pictures cant be eaten as well as for those who think dieting means looking at pictures and moving on to reality, also for the rest who are not bought food everyday by their employers; he has posted those pictures on the internet.

Microsoft Firefox

Firefox has been bought by Microsoft to create msfirefox - the world's best browser. Check it out.