Thursday, June 14, 2007

The Idiot Box chronicles

Yesterday i watched TV. You may be doubting it, but let me assure you, i am a human being too. But there are times when i am so swamped with things to do, i dont get time to do some of the more mundane things most humans do. Like watch TV *Or blog*

I do have time for Nat Geo Adventure though. But that comes before 8 am. So I flipped channels for about an hour. Bad weather meant that the reception quality for most channels was poor. Rather than blame my cable operator, i chose to blame the weather and convince myself there is nothing i can do about it. This way, i feel less lazier.

I zeroed in on the soaps on Zee TV, Sony and Star Plus. The creativity and talent on display in these serials probably goes unnoticed, because there are pertinacious folks like me who refuse to submit to the charms of these soap operas. Also, i need sufficient grounds to berate Ekta Kapoor for dishing out sensitive sudsers. Perhaps i could even make a blog post out of it where i could bring an episode under my satirical scanner. So i got set for an adventure ride of a lifetime.

I got into my comfy chair, clutched a soft pillow and was all set for a good time. I decided to watch one full episode of any soap opera, without changing channels midway (except during the commercial breaks).

The task was simple. Tolerate the programme for about half an hour. Just sit through it. Life's battles are far worse and some afford no other choice and sympathy and you have to face them. But this battle proved tougher than i thought.

I failed. I FAILED.

I changed channels thrice in the first 10 minutes before severe exhaustion of the nervous system took on over at the 11th minute and i quit the comfy chair, the pillow and threw in the towel (or remote) in 12 minutes. If it was a boxing bout with each round lasting till each commercial break, it would be safe to say i got knocked down just after the first round.

I do not understand many things in such soaps. I am serious. Can someone provide me non- sarcastic, fact ridden answers here.

Why does everything happen in slow motion? Mundane things like walking, eating, talking happen so slowly. It moves at a torturously torpid tempo. Why? Why is every female character dressed in fancy dress garb? Does everyone in India dress that way? Why is everyone so polite in the serials? You can predict if the character will say positive or negative stuff based on the background music and the dress of the actor. Why?

I switched to Channel V where they were showing reruns of the Get Gorgeous auditions. The three member jury consisted of this guy in the middle of two women and he was much more feminine than the ladies put together. The tall female to his right called Pia who is 'God knows who' is from the looks of it, God's greatest gift to humankind since Eve. And whats with these people who go for these reality show auditions making a shitty drama with tears and emotional crap - Chances are even the auto-rickshaw guy wont drop you to the bus station unless you stop crying and show him the money. So go get a life. And dont act as though its the end of life when you are rejected.

So if you are a toughie or think you are one, give the adventurer in you a real ride. If you wanna test your patience, stretch the limits of your tolerance, the boundaries of sanity, then do yourself a favour. Watch the soaps on Star Plus or Zee TV or Sony all day. Thats a real test of toughness and adventure spirit. Not some crazy group of bikers riding from Alaska to Patagonia. Or climbing Everest. Or swimming through the the shark infested Palk Straits.


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